A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I just want to know how a guy is able to get over someone so quickly. A year ago he was telling me he loved me even though I told him we had to keep the relationship as "sex only". He knew he couldn't have more because I was separated and still trying to work through my own issues. He was ok with that until life for me got complicated...really complicated. My husband died unexpectedly and so did my mother within 3 months. The reason we were together in the first place was that he was a friend who happened to turn into something else because I was at a very low point trying to get out of an abusive relationship. As soon as tragedy struck, this so called "friend" left entirely. He said he was trying to begin a relationship with someone else. I just don't understand how a person can say he is in love and then completely run when the other is hurting so much. I think my life scared him away. It has now been almost 6 months, and I keep thinking about him and really miss him. I don't know because I shouldn't considering how he just disappeared when I needed him most. I know everyone is going to tell me to let it go as that is what I should do, but my head and heart won't let me. I am wondering if I could ever get him back into my life again. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2010): Well you did tell him it was 'sex only'. That means while he may have loved you, you told him you didn't want any kind of emotional connection to him.
I don't get it, were you friends before your 'sex only' relationship or what?
Because 'sex only' to me says nothing about friendship, it says just sex. I know you've gone through some hard times and you had your reasons for not wanting to get emotionally involved with him, but he is within his right to go find someone who does want those things too.
I'm finding hard to figure out how you expected him to be there for you, when you specifically told him 'sex only'. You told him no emotional relationship or commitment and you expect him then to all of a sudden become your shoulder to cry on? Well if that's all you wanted he was in no way obliged to be there for you as he was only a casual sex partner. You're under the impression that he should stick by you and help you through your hard times when you said 'just sex'. I'm sorry, perhaps a nicer guy would have persisted but perhaps he just couldn't see a way you'd ever feel the same and he was hurting because of that.
It's not nice to be in love with someone that you can't be with. It's often to better to move on in those circumstances. I think it's more his feelings drove him away. You were hurting badly from your losses and as 'sex only' partner he was pretty much powerless to help you as you had restricted your relationship.
A
male
reader, BrokeAndHurting19 +, writes (7 August 2010):
A guy can only take so much. I know if I kept telling a girl that I loved her and loved her and she didn't want anything from me but sex then I would move on too and find a person that would actually want more than just a body part from me.Don't really blame yourself for him leaving but just try and see why he left. He is gonna go be happy with another girl and really it sounds like his mind is made up. You know one way to get him back? Show him you can be happy without him and you don't need him. Try and not worry about him for a month. Don't text, call, email and I am sure he will contact you. Hell even try and find another guy during this grace period.I wish you good luck and I am very sorry about your loss. Good luck in life and I am sure you will be happy.
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