A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm ready to make a life-long committment to my girlfriend and plan on proposing to her. Let's just say that I have struggled through committment "issues" for a while, but now I feel that I am ready and love her deeply. Can't imagine a better woman. My dilemma is that I have made some mistakes within the relationship that she doesn't know about. I'm torn between "coming clean" and keeping my mistakes a secret. I feel like a hypocrite if I don't tell her, since we both value honesty, and I want to be fully honest with her throughout our marriage, but I'm afraid of changing all of our dynamics and delaying the proposal if I tell her about my mistakes. Should I be honest, or keep secrets to keep our relationship as is? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 November 2010):
 If you value honesty then it's best you hold true to your values, wouldn't you agree? No matter how big or small these mistakes are, if this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with it's best you start this proposal off right by telling her the truth. Tell her the truth, let her digest the truth, then propose when the time is right. Right now is the time to own up to these mistakes, proposal can wait.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): Hello, that's wonderful news! But consider this first:
1. If you are still struggling with commitment issues, and still find yourself tempted to make mistakes because you have not totally resolved the core problem, please take care of that before you purpose. Can you really be with this one woman for the rest of your life? Go to a graveyard and think about this life-altering decision. Notice how some couples have been buried next to each other. Can that be you and her?
2. If the mistakes you made have on-going negative consequences, or have endangered her health (STD's ect.), it is best to stop and really evaluate whether or not you love this woman. What she doesn't know CAN hurt her. Please be honest with her. She won't like it, but it is the best policy, and one of pillars of a strong relationship.
Good luck!
...............................
|
