A
male
age
30-35,
*ndigo
writes:I'm really scared that I f*cked this whole thing up. I met a girl in the club last night, and we hit off pretty well. I took her home and we had sex, and then in the morning she left pretty quickly.I tried calling her, and she never answers. I'm scared now, wondering if I alienated her by moving so quickly. My brother told me that you should always have sex with a girl as soon as possible cause it makes her feel in love. That was my strategy. I wouldn't have had sex with her last night though if I knew it meant I wouldn't get to call her again.So was that my mistake? How do you turn a girl at the club into your girlfriend? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2008): Short Answer: Be sincere and honest! In leaving her some sort of message that expresses that even though things went a bit faster than you expected you really would like to just get to know her and spend time with her. You honestly don't expect from her a repeat performance of that night but you think you two could have a lot in common and would like to get to really know her. Whether you write her a note and leave it for her somewhere you know she'll get it or on an answering machine. If she is really interested after getting your message she won't hide from you for long.
Long Answer: Being someone who has previously been in this type of situation, more than likely one of two things has occurred. Either a) she is embarrassed by her behavior and she thinks that you're only calling her because you figure you'll get a repeat performance or b) she was a bit too tipsy at the club had little inhibition and figured why not but once sober the following morning doesn't want anything long term and ran off quickly to avoid awkward conversations and/or admit that you were a one night stand for her.
Personally and unfortunately at different points in my life I have been both types of girls. In both situations it came down to two words respect and interest. When I had the type A run-away, I really liked the guy at the time I thought it was love at first sight, but the only thing that kept running through my head the next morning was he'll never be able respect or really love me the person knowing that I just had sex on the first meeting. What did that say about me...(don't comment on that I had enough choice phrases for myself at that point lol). When I had the type B run-away, it was with a guy I briefly knew as an acquaintence, had not real physical attraction to him, but we joked around and talked most of the night remember thinking he's a nice guy at some point. Slammed down one too many shots at a club, was in a wild party girl frame of mind and the next morning saw that look in his eyes that said he wanted to cuddle and spend the day together and I ran. Mostly because I knew he was fun to hang out with or talk with but i felt nothing for him attraction wise. Yes, I realize now how shallow that makes me sound but I was basically hiding during the type B run away.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (10 November 2008):
Your brother is an idiot.
If you have sex with a girl as soon as possible then she'll think you are just after sex and dump your arse.
In this case though, I think all she was after was sex. She's got it and now is not interested. This is why you should always hold out.
If you want to get with a girl long term then get to know her and make sex special and something to work towards.
Good Luck!! xx
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