A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I have a problem in that I get attached to girls way too quickly. What I mean by that is that I get tunnel vision and only look at this girl for a potential relationship. Every new girl that I meet, I compare them to the girl I really like and rationalize why the one I am interested in is better. I feel this is very psychotic and the wrong approach, but I am unsure how to get out of this cycle? For example, I met this one girl about a month ago. Things were going really well. However, contact ceased out of the blue. Although I am really disappointed, it happens and move on. Since I know I get attached/obsessive over a girl really quickly, I forced myself to talk to other women this time. This strategy did not work too well because in a way I felt "guilty" even though absolutely nothing happened! I suspect being single for the past six years has something to do with it. But it is getting ridiculous now. One the one hand, logically, I realize it is ok to talk to other woman and "see what is out there" because I am not "tied" down for lack of a better word. But for some reason, I get this cognitive dissonance every time. Advice would be appreciated, AA.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@BrownWolf,
Thanks for the advice. However, I have been doing this for years now, and it is sort of ingrained. I have more of an issue with talking to other woman, whilst having a romantic interest. It feels weird to me, and I get weird anxiety over it. It's as I said, even though nothing is serious, I get tunnel vision for girl x, and then rationalize why she is better than all other women I contact with.
AA
A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (22 December 2015):
I see a young man looking for a relationship...his way...and that is where your problem comes in.
You are not letting it happen naturally. You are trying to get the girl to like you, and in doing so, make all the effort. So when she stops talking you, it hurts because you have already put so much into it.
Just be friends with a girl. Let her come half way. Give her a chance to know you, not just throw yourself at her so that she like you. She has her part to do as well.
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