A
female
age
51-59,
*radu8
writes:I found out that my boyfriend is interested in having sex with a transgender, should I confront him or should I just let him leave his fantasy? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, slothcake +, writes (30 December 2011):
Oh man...I went through this with my son's father. It was one of the worst times of my life. It made me think of him as a totally different person and its never been the same since. I think if I would have known beforehand that I might have been able to learn to accept it but the fact that he hid it and was secretive about it made it into something incredibly dark and seedy and made me think of him as one of those guys you would see on law and order svu...I couldnt help but think...wow this is the kind of stuff he hides? Are there worse and more twisted things that he is keeping secret? Is this the least of my worries? All of that combined with other things he had done to me really tore apart our relationship and no matter how hard i tried i just couldnt look into his eyes and see somebody that i could trust. I am very sorry you are going through this...I cant give you much advice because I myself even after five years dont really know how to deal with that but all I can say is that if you are going to stay with him you have to have an open mind and trust him and not let this thought linger in the back of your mind for the rest of your life...If you do it will rip you apart to the point of near insanity. It will probably always be something you think about whether you stay or leave. I left eventually and i still think about it a lot...but if you leave at least you arent questioning if hes doing weird things when he says hes at work and you dont have to worry every time he walks out that front door if he is telling the truth or not. some people are just very good at pretending to be what you want them to be and all the while have an entirely different life that you dont know about. If you ever need to talk or just vent about it id be happy to hear...as much as i hate that someone else in the world is going through this, it is comforting that im not the only one who has dealt with it...i hope it all gets worked out and you can end up with some peace and security and that you are not walking around with that knot in your stomach anymore. I hope i didnt offend anyone by this post. I actually dont find a thing wrong with being transgender. I am very open minded. I am bothered by secrecy though...and thats what it comes down to.
A
female
reader, gradu8 +, writes (13 April 2008):
gradu8 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Now He wants to act like nothing ever happened...... He doesnt even want to talk about it..... I am so upset by the whole situation. I think he is unable to admit that he has a bisexual curiosity. I guess I am stuck with the whole situation cause we live together. We just bought a house together, so now I am miserable
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (11 April 2008):
 Ah happened to my friend in a similar situation. She checked his phone history and found out her boyfriend had cheated on her and when she confronted him, HE blamed HER cause she shouldnt have been looking through it... No it isnt the same situation exactly, but its an attempt to shift the blame or avoid embarrassment by making you feel like the bad guy. Don't back down. Apologize for looking through the history, that you werent looking through anything specfic on purpose, then came across transgender things. He just doesnt want to explain himself so is making it about something else. Since you approached it in a loving way, I dont think you should feel bad about looking through anything. Get him to explain himself.
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A
female
reader, gradu8 +, writes (9 April 2008):
gradu8 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI confronted him on this matter ina loving way. He got very defensive and accused me of beign mistrustful because I found the infromation by looking at his history on his computer. Now I am the one who is wrong. What now?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): Have you heard the term ...."down-low"? If he knows this is a man, then your man is as gay as he transgender! Move on to straight men baby and leave the down-low and those who indulge with this type of sex with men alone
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (9 April 2008):
Talk to him. Find out why etc. Maybe once he explains it you will understand and feel better? I think not bringing it up will only make it worse for you and give you weird ideas about him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2008): Yuk! Talk to him, maybe he should see a sexologist.
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