A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Tonight I found out my husband has been taking 'pills' to have sex with me. We have been married 2.5 years. When we were first together he couldn't keep his hands off me. Now it seemd he can't bring himself to touch me without a little courage in the form of a viagra. I found them in his nightstand drawer. I am really hurt and discouraged. I have done everything I know to do to make him attracted to me with out assistance - now this. How do I confront him without losing my cool?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2009): You are very fortunate that your guy is healthy enough to take viagra, mine is not! He loves me dearly and is very turned on by me...it is medication that cause his inability to stay hard. And due to heart problems, He cannot take viagra or any other E.D. medication. It is difficult, but we have worked around it. But we both would give anything for him to be able to take it!
Don't confront your man! Why would you look at this as an insult to you? Talk to him in understanding, compassionate way. Work out your misunderstanding of this medication by talking to your partner!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): I must add, when you do talk to him about them, try thanking him for being so considerate of your sexual needs and feelings.
It will be a huge confidence boost for him and he'll know straight away that you understand his reasons for having them.
Oh and viagra works on women too.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Look at it this way, if he wasn't attracted to you, he wouldn't have bothered to go out and get the Viagra. I think the fact that he has means he wants to please you. If I were you, I would let him know how much he means to me and love him all the more. A good default position to take in a marriage is to assume the other partner is acting in of the relationship's best interests. And stick to that unless there's too much evidence to the contrary.
The fact that they're in his nightstand and not in the glove compartment of his car suggests that he's taking them for you, not because he's planning to cheat!!!
Poor guy, he's too embarassed or concerned about your reaction to be able to share this with you. Maybe at some point he'll feel comfortable enough to let you know. In the meantime, love him with all your heart and appreciate the effects the drug can provide.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Don't confront him, he's using them for you, so he can last longer and pleasure the woman he loves.
It's nothing to do with attraction, he wants to be, always, the best lover you've ever had, nothing wrong with that.
Really there's nothing worse for us guys than when we are with a beautiful woman, that we love and we lose our erection because it happens every guy from time to time and a lot of women equate that to a loss of attraction, which it most certainly is not.
Erections are funny things, sometimes we get them by a passing breeze, or when we have to go up in front of a crowd and make a speech and sometimes when we need them most they just disappear. Believe me if I had just one wish it would be the ability to consciously control my erections. Thats the power viagra gives, the power to control them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): Theres many young guys like myself taking it for recreational reasons. There are also some for medical or psychological reasons. Just taking it doesnt make you attracted to anything in a skirt. It is to be hoped there is nothing psychological, because your way of looking at it shows you may be not be an easy person to share a problem with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): You need to know the facts about Viagra - and all the other pills that have the same effect. Viagra on it's own does not cause an erection. You don't take the pill and half an hour later you're walking on three legs. It doesn't happen like that.
The man has to be sexually attracted to his lover and in a state of excitement before an erection occurs. Like satindesire says, all it does is increase the blood flow to the penis which facilitates the erection, and the brain has to be involved in the process.
These pills also lower blood pressure, which is why a medical check-up is required before taking it. If he's already suffering from low blood pressure a further drop in pressure could be dangerous, so if he's bought them off the internet he's playing a potentially dangerous game with his health.
The only thing you need to confront him about is the medical aspect. Maybe he has a genuine need for them and he's been prescribed them.
If he doesn't have a problem getting an erection under normal circumstances you might like to ask him why he thinks he needs them. If that's the case I'd say he's taking them to keep harder for longer in order to pleasure you like no other man could do.
He won't get much extra pleasure from a sustained erection - in fact it can be extremely uncomfortable. If he keeps an erection for more than four hours after taking Viagra (called priapism) he needs to seek medical help to deflate it or he could cause permanent damage to his wedding tackle.
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A
female
reader, cupid77 +, writes (24 February 2009):
 Wouldn't you rather him take pills and continue to have sex with you then have him cheating on you? Obviouslly you would, but I'm just pointing out that it could be worse. You could talk to him about it, but he probablly was just having a hard time keeping it hard and didn't want you to think that it was you, so he didn't tell you. I'm sure he is kind of embarrised about having to take them. Even stress at work could cause that. It is better to take the pills then to stop having sex which alot of people do after being together so long. If I were you, I would look in the drawer and act like you just found them when he is in the room with you and just ask "When did you start taking these?
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