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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Two of my friends always obsess over their weight. Going out to dinner with them is agonizing because they don't EAT at all! My friend Emily got a pizza and ate half of a slice. My other friend Jackie got soup and only ate half of it. They constantly complain about how fat they are, when they aren't fat at all- they are both at a healthy weight for their age/height/body type. Emily has been seeing her boyfriend for the past 3 years now (they are in a long distance relationship) but she still has to flirt with every waiter when we go out to eat. She says that she still has to "prove she's got it."My friend Jackie is dating guys, nothing serious, but she is soooooo desperate to get married! Everyone that she works with/hangs out with is married, so I think she feels that she needs to keep up or something.Don't get me wrong, I love both of them and also have insecurities of my own. I just feel so overwhelmed. (I thought some of these girlie insecurities would end in high school, but I guess not.) I just don't know what to do anymore. They both come to me when they are upset, but I don't know what to say or how to help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): I'm with Dirtball on this, I too literally despise people that obsess about their weight. To me it's a sign of idiocy, it just makes no sense.
Being obsessed with good health is fair enough but less weight does not equal better health and being obsessed with weighing less is to me a sign of a mental deficiency, a sign that the person thinks there's something wrong with them when there isn't.
If it's bothering you this much then you need to step back emotionally from their problems. I'm the kind of person that will help a person if I can, by telling them what I think would be best for them when they present me with one of their problems, but if they don't listen to my advice or do anything proactive to solve these problems then I'm simply not going to sit there and listen to them complain about something they're not doing anything about.
I have friends too that obsess over their weight, when they complain to me about it I laugh at them and make jokes. I used to be quite a chubby person but never minded it, until one day it actually started to bother me that I was unfit. So the next day I started a training program to get fit again it only took 3 months of persistent training and a complete, permanent change to my diet to get fit and toned. Weight never came into consideration for me because it's not important at all. It's only a sign of progress and should never be the goal.
It sounds to me like you've already told them what you think and already tried to tell them they already look great. But you know how insecurities work, there's really nothing you can say or do it's for them to work out for themselves. Just try and ignore it and when they say they're fat, say they're not and leave it at that.
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reader, dirtball  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 It's alright to say that you just don't know sometimes. I know you want to help your friends, but it can definitely get overwhelming at times, especially when their problems are ones that you don't really view as problems (or are self made problems). If it makes you feel any better, I hate it when people obsess about their weight. There is a level where it is healthy, and then there is the level you're describing, where it is borderline to unhealthy.
A question, can you go to them with your problems? If not, then you need to stop being their therapist.
Honestly, it sounds like you need to make some new friends. If their behavior is upsetting you, then separating yourself from it for a while might help. I'm not saying that you have to drop these friends, but some new blood in the mix might ease some of your burden. I have a feeling if you bring a new friend to lunch, they might be on "better behavior" since this is someone they are unfamiliar with.
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