A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ive been with my boyfriend for over a year. we were both working when we first started dating. after a couple of months he lost his job, a month later i had to give mine up due to some problems at home. since then we both found it hard to get back into work. i got so used to spending every day and most nights with him. He became my best friend, and was always there for me, i loved being with him all the time. Then a couple of weeks ago he got a new job. im happy for him, he can now do what he wants to do. but for some reason im really down about not being with him during the week. im at home on my own every week day as my family are always out and my friends are at work or collage. ive tryed getting a job buts its been hard. at weekends he will want to pub it up with his mates so i hardly get to see him at all. i feel so lonely and feel as though we a drifting apart. i told him this and i think he feels like im being selfish. i dont want to be, but its hard as im so used to being with him all the time. i feel lost and constantly upset. i told him if we drift any further apart it has to end because i dont to be with someone who i hardly see. am i being stupid or do you think spliting up would be for the best?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 So you're all ready not spending much time together, and you want to split up where you're not together at all. You're not being selfish. You did grow into the idea of him being around all the time, which you'd need to work on a bit. Ask him this, "Why do you feel I'm being selfish because I miss you and would like to spend more time with you."What you both need to do is talk with the idea of understanding the other person. Understanding doesn't mean, complete agreement with, just seeing things from their side. You need to tell him how you feel, and have him do the same, without placing blame or judging the other person for how they feel. Tell him if you feel lonely, neglected, disrespected, unwanted. Sometimes behaviors continue because of lack of understanding about what impact our actions have on others.Take care and good luck.
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