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I feel like there is just one thing missing in my life, a baby!

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Question - (27 March 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 27 March 2009)
A female age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi I am 21 years old and i feel like there is just one thing missing in my life, a baby! I have a long term boyfriend who I love very much and who loves me too. Recently i had a scare when I thought I was pregnant I was so scared to tell my boyfriend about it but he was actually very supportive about it. After i found out i wasnt i was actually gutted which I didnt tink I would be. my boy friend told me it will be our time one day. However I cant help but feel like I want a baby now, I just dont know if he wants to plan one so young. I have lots of experience with children I work with young children and my sister recenlty had a baby and even though I love my godson so much it is getting harder and harder to spend time with him as there is such a longing to have my own child

View related questions: I work with, want a baby

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009):

Thanks for your help. I would never trick my boyfriend into havin a baby wouldnt be able to live with myself if i did. I just dont know what to do at this moment. in terms of marriage i know it seems weird but to me i am to young to get married i do plan to spend the rest of my life with this man but neither of us want marriage just yet. I think i will just have to leave it for a while until we make a joint decision hopefuly its soon enough. also I look after my godson alot over night and for a few days at a time, my sister says i dont no how lucky I am but I just say the same to her she tinks im crazy wanting a child so young but I no she wouldnt chagne her son for the world

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2009):

First things first....ask yourself if you want to be a single parent? If your answer is 'no I want to be a mum and I want my boyfriend to be the dad and to live with me and share the joys and hard times of parenting' then for goodness sake ask him whether he actually wants to father a child with you.....now?

Thinking you are pregnant and actually BEING pregnant are totally different things and you cannot possibly know how you will feel when you ACTUALLY are!

Being a parent is one of the hardest and the most wonderful jobs you will ever have in your life and it is....for life!

You are obviously a caring person and you love children so you should consider your now unborn and not conceived child like it was real child. Do you want the very best for him or her when you do eventually have him or her and in the best circumstances for yourself and your partner?

If you do want the very best then two parents are usually better than one. You are still very very young so think carefully about the reality verses the fantasy. You have a perfect example to look at in your sister and your new godson and I would advise you watch and learn. Maybe offer to look after him or her for a couple of days with your boyfriend if possible? Day and night.

Take your time and don't over glamorise having a baby as believe me one day that baby will be a very real teenager!

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A female reader, bobbles32 Canada +, writes (27 March 2009):

bobbles32 agony auntI think you need to have a chat with your boyfriend then! If you're stable and he's stable and you both have reliable sources of income and both would like a baby, I'd say tell him how you feel! but I would never purposely try to get pregnant without telling him!

Think about it some more and then have a talk with him! It's more socially acceptable if you're married first..you might want to keep that in mind! (not that it REALLY matters!)

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