A
female
age
36-40,
*upcake7
writes:Hi,I've been a little down for a while because I feel like I've lost someone. Basically a friend I've had for around a year and a half asked me out late last year. Unfortunately the relationship didn't work out (there was another girl involved and it was all rather messy) but when things ended we were happy that we has managed to stay friends. I felt close to this guy because he'd gone from friend to boyfriend to close friend. He said to me we'd always be friends. That's why I feel hurt at the way he's behaving right now. He doesnt reply to my texts, he always seems to be busy and even though we only study 15 minutes away from each other it's always ME who suggests meeting for coffee, never him. I've asked him about it a couple of times but he always says im being silly and 'after everything that's happened between us i'm not going to randomly blow you off'. But that is what he's doing! I feel like there's this big hole in my life and he's forgotten how close we were. I just miss talking to him, and I dont know why it looks like he doesnt. If this is because of a new girlfriend im happy for him but I dont understand why he wont even reply to texts or meet for a coffee?? Thing is if i keep asking him about it I'll look pathetic and as if i'm not moving on with my life, and if i dont ask him about it I'll keep feeling this emptiness inside, like I've lost a friend. What do I do?Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): That's the risk we take when we go from friends to lovers...It's painful, but it happens! It has happened several times in my life (I'm a slow learner, I guess!) Once you cross that line it's difficult to get back the friendship. It would take two really special people. Yes I said two. I'm sure this new gf has a lot to do with the situation and it's understandable, especially if she is aware of your history. Many woman have a problem with their guy having female friends, let alone one that became a lover! He probably wants to remain friends (hence, meeting for coffee, etc.) But he doen't want to jeopardise his new relationship. Think about how you would feel if the situation was reversed. Also...think about this...Is it really just friendship you want with him now or are you hoping to get back together with him? Sometimes we lie to ourselves about our motives.
Try to move on. Break-ups hurt! But we all survive! Time to move on, Honey!
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