A
male
age
30-35,
*ocals and Rhythms Guitarist
writes:Man... How to explain this without sounding like a jerk... My girlfriend was never really the hot and sexy type of girl, but whenever she dressed up well she would look really beautiful. She also has a great personality, which is probably why I love her. BUT, her great flaw is that she is really stubborn, and never wants to lose a discussion (who does?) even though she's wrong. Sometimes, 3 days after the fight she'll come to me and say "I'm sorry, I was wrong." and it's INFURIATING! but also a relief. Now we're fighting almost every day about stupid stuff, sometimes my fault, sometimes hers. But the thing is, when it's my fault, she makes it look as bad as if I had killed someone, but when it's her fault, not only am I "exagerating but I'm also always being too mean to her."Lately, I'm doubting if she ever had a great personality after all or if I just imagined her that way or if she pulled a "bait and switch" on me, but I feel lied to. It's making me see all her flaws, both physical and personality-wise.What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2012): Seems like each of you are super-proud of your intelligence. Also, you are probably more intelligent.You need to sit down and have a conversation about what you both are really arguing about. You also need to not pick a fight with her because you feel like she 'pulled a bait and switch' when she probably feels like you've been really mean lately and she hasn't felt like making any effort towards her appearance because you have been an ass to her.
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Well that sounds a lot like what happened to me last year with my then gf of over two years. Now you know that you two have problems and now it comes down to whether you think that they are worth working through or if it is already over. I can't really say what you should because just saying you should end it does not do it justice. Think about whether you want to risk the time trying to fix something that may never come back when you are in a position that is more free to leave. It would be worse if it took another year or two before you have finally had enough.
Things to consider is how you feel now and the fact that you are young and not tied down. You should be with her because she makes you happy and that is regaurdless of age but I think even more important, if you could say that, at a young age.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (17 April 2012):
 I think saying you've been lied to is pretty melodramatic. After the honeymoon phase is over people often find their personalities are incompatible. It's unpleasant, but it happens. It's probably time to just move on. It honestly doesn't sound like anyone's fault, just that you're incompatible and that causes fights, then fights about the fights, etc...
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A
female
reader, Deagan +, writes (17 April 2012):
 Honeymoon phase over.
It seems like she's gotten really comfortable behaving this way. Quite honestly, this might warrant the need for a break. Does she only act this way to you? You might find out that you do are "better" people not being together. What I mean by "better" is sometimes a couple can bring out the worst in each other, for whatever the reason.
Be honest with her. Tell her that her stubbornness and her unwillingness to budge or compromise is *compromising* your relationship. I think you should say exactly what you said here, that her recent behavior is starting to unmask all her flaws and that you first considered her to be beautiful and have a great personality.
Your honestly will elicit one of two reactions:
1. This will be an eye-opener for her, and she will want to change that if she really cares about this relationship. She will want to be seen as beautiful and having a great personality again.
or
2. She will blow up and will not take any considerations to your concerns. She will get offended. That's when a break is in order. To let what you said fester.
It's harsh, and I know some female agony aunts will not approve, but sometimes girls need to be kicked off the pedestal they have placed themselves on.
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