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female
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*rttymtlkitty
writes: I'm a very affectionate, spontenous person. When I'm with someone I like to show them that I desire them and adore them. It's the little things I do here and there without being overbearing. Little butt pats, a passing 'im gonna eat u up look' lol, spoonin, kiss ambushes, occassional caresses here and there...not only do they eat it up but I do it like I mean it.The thing is w. my bf is that I can see that he loves me when I look around. I see all that he puts into our relationship. He's so dedicated. Yet, its those moments we're in the car or layin down watching tv where he's a bit reserved in an opportune time to show me his desire/admiration for me. I'm not asking for a parade here, just tender pecks on the cheek when he spoons me, a grab to the hips... something that says I can't get enough. I know he is crazy about me, tells me he can't be without me, how amazing he finds me to be,etc. But I don't feel it in those moments and I hate to ask for it cause I feel that is something that should just flow. I feel like he's preoccupied which is very understandable given that I know his stressors. It just makes me wonder sometimes. I do tell him what I like, instead of pointing out what he doesn't do but he still doesn't do it. Maybe he thinks he is already? I don't know how else to get thru at this point but to be like, yo- this ain't cutting it. It's done like this althought thats not my style! So how would you handle this? Anybody have any slick moves to raise his awareness? I even bend over backwards literally to tease him and I can't get him out of his head. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Hi its me again and it was short lived. Its 2008 and its still the same shit different day. I have nobody to blame but myself for staying but ya know stability is a very attractive option. However, I gained 50 lbs from the last time I wrote and feel even more unattractive around him.
I can't wait to find love again,
The loser in NJ, Lisa
A
female
reader, prttymtlkitty +, writes (21 April 2006):
prttymtlkitty is verified as being by the original poster of the question The light bulb just went on! YAYY! Must have been a language barrier cause once I said the magic words it clicked. I put it exactly as I did here. I said you blow me away when you open up to me completely and I haven't felt that of late...whats the deal? He heavily assured it wasn't intentional and I know that. Yay, I have my live wire back :-D, my "vitamin C" I also call him.
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female
reader, prttymtlkitty +, writes (21 April 2006):
prttymtlkitty is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your input Gryphon! I do know that about men, and try to not be that way because I know what a turn off that is. I didn't think I was being overbearing, but I guess right now it is. When I was like, 'come here' last night, he said well I was just giving you some space. That usually means he needs it. How one dimensional of me not to realize, lol. I did do the less risky approach and talked. We do have some physical differences that took some getting used to. I'm very endowed and he is very skinny but there's been times when he's opened up to me completely that voided any lack. I just need to be patient. Thanks again!!
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A
male
reader, Gryphon +, writes (21 April 2006):
 Hello prttymtlkitty,Speaking from experience, men do not always respond to continual affection until it has been turned off for a time. As a very affectionate person yourself this may be a very hard thing to try, but begin to tone down the affection and the spontaneity and see if he doesn’t notice that it’s missing. Men love to be showered with affection and treated like kings and we don’t always remember to reciprocate those feelings even to those we genuinely love. Sometimes the only way to shock him is to remove what he has gotten used to and then wait for him to react.Another less risky approach would be the simple “lets have a chat”. Before trying the above it may be better to pointedly ask him at some point why he doesn’t kiss you in public etc. etc. I know that I needed told that I wasn’t holding hands with my girl in public to realize that I just did not feel comfortable doing it (and so subconsciously I didn’t). Once I head that there was “room for improvement” I worked on it.Best of luck,~Jake~
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