A
male
age
41-50,
*mad khan
writes:Hey folks so here are my questions. I´ve been dating this girl for about 2 months. Things are swell, we talk alot, the sex is great, etc... first thing, a minor issue: though I´ve been in many long relationships, I forgot how this works- the more time we spend together, the less there seems to talk about, whereas, when we first met, we talked for hours and hours, especially between lovemaking sessions. I appreciate silence...I even prefer it sometimes, but occasionally I feel like she´s not quite comfortable with the silences. Also, I have the tendancy to crack ironic comments, or jokes regularly..and I feel as though she feels obligated to find me amusing. Maybe I´m just being a complicated, crazy person. Second: I feel differently with this person than anyone I´ve ever been with. We make love for hours, talk, laugh, share our deepest secerets. And it scares the bejesus out of me. I was in a longterm relationship that ended a little more than two years ago. It nearly destroyed me, and since then, this is the first person I´ve had feelings for. These new feelings...feel much more powerful than anything I´ve previously experienced, and I don´t know if I can deal with it. Sometimes I imagine the possibility of her falling in love with one of my friends and I break out in a cold sweat. Occasionly I feel like ending it....In fact I think of it frequently. Telling her its over. I don´t know if I could stand the pain of that kind of loss again. Well there ya go....any ideas? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2008): Silence is good, sometimes when you've been together for too long you do run out of things to say. This is the time for a little kissing and cuddling, because sometimes words are not enough. Silence and uncomfortableness is bad. Find yourself some hobbies so you can share your interests with her, find out what she's interested in and talk to her about that. Relax, your too uptight, this is not a job interview, it's a relationship. There's no test, no exam. Relax and have fun with the woman you love.
Once we've been hurt is difficult to trust again. When we have deep feelings about somebody it can cause us to dwell on loosing them and make us scared. Lighten up, have fun, be romantic. If you loose her or she leaves, then she's not the right person for you. If you don't relax and get comfortable with showing her your true self, then she will get nervous and leave. Just be yourself and enjoy being with her and let the future take care of itself.
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