A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have feelings for my best friend. he's been dating someone else, and i actually encouraged him and supported him when he told me about this girl, just because all i want is for him to be happy, no matter who it's with. it's been a few months and i still feel the same way about him, but from what he tells me he doesn't seem happy in his relationship and doesn't see it lasting very long either. i feel so regretful for being afraid to tell him in the first place how i feel about him, when he first asked me if he should even go for this girl. he's the type of guy who's too afraid to admit his feelings, he would rather the girl chase after him but i've never been like that and i feel like i've missed my chance. what should i do?
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male
reader, Wheeler  +, writes (25 June 2011):
 At the risk of sounding too simple the answer is no, you haven't missed your chance. He doesn't seem to be hopelessly in love with someone else, and may even be single soon?
This may be as good a time as any to have this discussion with him, if you are sure that is what you want. There is a difference, I think, in being interested in your best friend as opposed to being in the dreaded "Friend Zone" with someone. It doesn't sound like you are in the friend zone, although you would know much better than anyone else.
The great thing about true best friends is that there is always another chance. There are things about you that attracted the other person to begin with, and those are usually very fundamental.
My avatar is a picture of my best friend and I. We dated for around six months back in 2005, and ultimately broke up because it would have been a very long distance relationship. Immediately following the break-up, which was incredibly civil, we didn't talk at all. But after some time had passed, I realized I missed her company. I missed talking about music, or goals, or anything really.
And we became best friends! And even though she is gorgeous and amazing, she always respects when I am in a relationship. And that is something that speaks SO MUCH about her character and make-up. I greatly admire that quality.
And I think that is something you should always strive for, even though it seems like the opposite of how you feel. If he is in a relationship, respect that and show him you are strong enough in your friendship to do so out of a desire to see him happy!
And when he is not in a relationship, it is okay to flirt with him, and give him indications that you are fond of him in more ways than just friendship. :-)
You don't have to make that big step yet, it is a long journey. If you don't think the time is right when he ends his current relationship then continue to wait. You will have opportunities in the future.
And best friends bring so much to your life. I sometimes wish I had remained friends with certain people, it would have been better in the long run.
Listen to your heart always.
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