| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I belong to asian culture. We tend to have a close-knit family. I feel guilty about growing or getting successful in my life due to the sense of duty that "i must also take my family members with me" wherever i go. In other words, make them as happy as i am and as successful as i get. This also applies whenever i am in a relation with someone or friends with someone. Though other people do not seem to really get such feeling. My brother made me aware of the duty when i went close to him, that i should be able to carry others with me or else i was guilty and did not deserve to be happy or successful. Do i really have to do it as a duty? If not, how do i get over this burgeoning feeling of guilt and stress that comes along. I want to do something to move on rather than get stuck somewhere and not do anything worthwhile. Please advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2007): My dear friend, I just want to share MY thought with you. Family is a tricky question. You say you are a close knit family, well… think of this: Everyone always wants something from everyone else, but the ones that love you want everything else for you. Who will love you more than their life? Close family. Who would move mountains for you and have your back when times are down? Close family. Who do you want next to you if you are dieing? Close family. So why not share your happiness, your success?
I’m talking from my experience. I left my family to be successful (no I’m not Asian, but I do have a close knit family) and when I was hundreds of miles away if something happened for me, my family was there for me Good or Bad. I had wonderful business partners I called “friends” from my new successful life. I got to a point that I just need the smallest favor and my so called friends never even went out of their way for me. My family hundreds of miles found a way to help me. We only have one life, share it’s good things & bad with the ones you love the most –Cheers!!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): hey, im from an asian family too... the thing is, that, im sure that if you find success or happiness, then your family will be happy for you... so i guess this is kind of like your duty done for you... don't feel guilty about it, because you aren't doing anything to hurt your family, or turning your back on them... as long as you have worked hard and honestly, you do deserve to be successful and happy... in fact, i'm sure your family will support you.
take care xxx
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