A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,8 months ago I got out of an 10 year relationship. I wanted out 3 years ago, but carried on with it till the right time came along. About a month ago I met someone else. I have a 5 year old so we decided to take it slow, which he understands. The thing is I feel the need to know where we're going. I see him twice a week and our sexual connection is very strong. I feel I have been finally unleashed after feeling unsexy for so long. We go out to dinner, have fun, go for walks, but don't know how he feels. I don't really know how I feel. Not dating for so long has left me confused. When I don't see him I wonder if he is seeing someone else. This feeling of insecurity is something I'm not used to. What I'm asking is are my feelings normal after being so long out of the loop.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with your situation; yes, I can understand that this all new and strange to you; but you need to relax; calm down, you are only starting to date this guy; vow, you are only starting to get to know him; ONE month....and you are mentioning thing such as "need to know where I stand with him";
NO, No, please you will scare him away like this; take it easy, you mentioned that you agreed to take it slow, so, RELAX; Oh, I understand you are use to security and commitment; but you need to be patient; you cannot expect from any person to give you any direction or commitment or even an indication of the future after one month;
I am not judging you; please don't get me wrong; I am trying to help you; I want you to realize that it will take TIME; you have to FOCUS on getting to know this guy; you need to establish if you are compatible; you need to think about yourself and your child; you cannot just rush into any serious relationship; you just got out of the frying pan....You need to find your own comfort zone, with or without him; find happiness and peace being on your own with your child; don't worry about him if he is not around; don't let him play such an important part in your life, not yet; You hardly know the guy.
I know it is difficult and you are enjoying his company and he is filling a "gap" in your life, but it is way to soon to even think in terms of "need to know where I stand".
just enjoy his company; enjoy dating him and spending time with him; get to know him;
If the stress is getting to you and you are getting worried , vow, do some breathing exercises; pay extra attention to your child; do things to keep you occupied; a very effective thing to do is to keep a diary; write down how you feel; your fears, your emotions; start writing down what you like about this guy; what you don't like; ask yourself why are you missing him when he is not with you?
Please do not put pressure on this guy; give it time; take it easy and take it slow.
Hope this is of assistance;
Good luck and remember if you feel lonely, or need more help or assistance;we are here for you.
Keep us posted.
Oh, and always try to keep SMILING.
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