A
female
age
51-59,
*nnsumm
writes:Hi,I posted about 6 weeks ago about this guy I had been seeing. In a nutshell, he cheated, lied and had me believe we had something special going on. I walked away and we had no communication for a month. Then he mailed me, asking me if I had a problem with him! (after a month!). I knew what his game was, he thought he'd put me on the back burner so he could have a bit of variety. Anyway, I told him where to go, told him I knew what he was all about and I haven't heard from him since. BUT, and this is my problem, I can't stop myself thinking about him. Not the good times, but why ? I keep on analysing the situation, wondering what his game was and its driving me nuts. I have tried to keep busy, I have managed to finish my thesis, Ive been going out, talking to friends everyday, applying for jobs EVERYTHING but I want to stop thinking about him and can't ! Ironically, my thesis was all about relationships and love ! How long is this going to take and how busy do I have to actually be ! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, annsumm +, writes (26 October 2008):
annsumm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYep, you are both right ! Nothing like this has happened to me before, I have always dated pretty straightforward thinking guys, some have messed me around a bit and I got rid without too much pain and bother. Its as though this one has put a flippin spell on me - weird ! But then I think, 'he was just good at his game'. Can't wait to meet someone new, that will help so much, i just know it.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (26 October 2008):
You are trying to figure out how and where you failed. As a woman, if we do not end up being the one to do the breaking up (and then continuing as friends afterwards), or marry the guy, then we get this natural feeling that we have failed in some way.
Yes you dumped him, but he made the decision for you by lying / cheating.
I've done the same thing after a not nice break up. We want everything to be nice and tied up and full of good feeling. You want him to come back and say he's sorry and to be on good terms. Not just have said "alright then, see ya!" and carried on shagging about.
It'll take a while to accept that he was a bastard and has gone and will not change and that you meant nothing to him.
You need to go out with your friends and flirt with a new guy and get someone new to think about (even if you don't want to date them and just have them as a mild fantasy)
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, honeyross +, writes (26 October 2008):
 I think the problem is the studies you've been doing - you've been analyzing yourself and what you had with this love rat too much. I think you know that you can't 'fix' him and that he's a waste of time. When I wrote my psychology thesis I also fixated on the topic - it involved me intellectually as well as emotionally. The feelings will start fading now that you've finished writing.Add seeing other guys to your list of things to do. Soon enough this loser will become less of a feature in your thoughts.
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