A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I has been dating with my boyfriend, H for 3 and ½ years. We love each other since day 1 in our relationship. However, I found out that we have lost sparks in our relationship recently although we didn’t have any quarrel. 3 months ago, I met a guy, M at my workspace and I started to hang out with him. I feel happy with his companion and I can feel the spark between us. M is not even a better guy from all perspectives compared to H in term of outlook, attitude, personality and religion. But, there is a strong desire in my heart to flow according to spark that lead me to go after M. I know H is the perfect guy for me and I am not sure who else can care or love for me better than him, even M also. I also dislike some characters of M and sometimes I feel annoyed to him while H has no problem at all. I am confusing. Definitely I want H to be my husband and father to our children without any doubt but in another part of me, I want M because he can cheer me up at least for this moment. I am not sure how long the spark between M and me will end. Maybe 1 yr , 2 yrs or ... I have no confident in making the choice again. I afraid I will regret if I choose M if later I find out M is not love me as much as H does.I was thinking of H when I spent time with M and vice versa. I really love them both. In this moment, M has the advantage because he got my feeling - “spark”. I am kind of emotional person, I think that I would be less painful if I choose M as he can make me looking forward for something new for now. In another hand, I still love H very much (just without spark), so do him as well. I am not young any more to start up a new relationship after this. I want to settle down but I am not sure M can complete me better than H. I don’t want to end up marry to a wrong guy just because that guy come into my heart at the right time although he is not the one love me most.Please advise and consult on this...
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): A friend sent me a msg and i think it could help you... Its all about cheating, yet somehow it brings a valuable lesson...
"Somewhere along the way, you will meet someone who will be more charming or sensitive than the one you’re already with. More sexy, more thoughtful, wealthier, better in bed and you will meet someone who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your boyfriend/girlfriend ever did.
Because NO boyfriend/girlfriend is perfect…
Because your boyfriend/girlfriend will only have 90 percent of what you’re looking for so, cheating happens when you look for the missing 10 percent.
Let’s say your girlfriend is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty girl next-door who has a cheerleader laugh no matter what she says: “I broke my arm yesterday, ha ha ha…”
…or because your girlfriend is a couch potato who is always in pajamas and smelling of garlic and cooking oil, you may fall for the CK-One-smelling colleague who comes to work in a sharp pinstripe blazer, high heels, and a red pencil-cut skirt.
…or because your boyfriend is the type who never shuts up even when you’ve tried using duct tape, your heart may skip a beat when you sit next to a brooding, mysterious Latino on the bus.
But wait!
That’s only 10 percent of what you don’t have.
Don’t throw away the 90 percent that you already do! Add to the 90 percent the 100 percent that represents all the years that you have been with each other.
The storms you have weathered together. The many adjustments you have made to better understand each others little quirks and idiosyncrasies.
“The wealth of memories that you have accumulated as lovers…” The old sparks that can always be rekindled by the walk on the beach, barefoot and underneath the stars…
Cheating happens when you start looking for what you don’t have.
But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already do."
A
female
reader, DearDolly  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 If your confused about who you want to be with i think the last thing you should be worrying about is which one you want to marry. Be mature about this, If your really torn between two people i think the best advise you can get is really from yourself since these are your feelings and your future were talking about. If marriage is something really essential then you need to ask yourself which of these guys would make the best potential husband and who you could picture yourself spending the rest of your life with. At least one or two of a persons quality's annoys their partner, I don't think the perfect relationship exists. Im sure you'll make the decision best for yourself.
Best of luck.
Dolly.
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): I have been in your situation and picked the wrong guy. I was with my ex- for 8 years and left him for another guy, a friend who I felt a spark with. Needless to say the spark didn't last and we broke up. Although I broke my ex's heart, he eventually moved on and now has another girlfriend. I wish we had stayed together and worked it out. The thing you have to realise is that the nature of a long-term relationship is that the spark DOES go. It doesn't matter who it's with, it will always go. Rather than keep moving on to new relationships to regain that 'spark', you should try to rekindle the spark with H. You've already said he's perfect. Just imagine if you lost him and later realised the spark with M has now gone too. Go on dates with H. Talk about this honestly with him because he probably knows the spark's gone too. Think of ways to make it spark again. Recreate your first date. Don't see each other for a week, that's a sure-fire way to miss each other like crazy. Just don't do what I did and throw away a long relationship with a great guy for someone who probably doesn't come close.
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