A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im in college living on campus with my friends in an aparment and I've been in a relationship for almost four years now and I've finally had enough of the stuff that he put me though so I broke up with him. He has almost expected me to be there at his becking call and to wait for him until he pleases and wants to see me.He lost his job and he got kicked out of his house for his actions and I helped him a lot during this time. I let him borrow my car to look for a job...(my parents didn't approve of him driving my car cus he has had many tickets for speeding) my phone and not just for a phone call either he would take my phone to go hangout with his friends...I let him stay at my on campus apartment while he looked for a job. It seemed like he was taking advantage of my help and expected from me just because we were together. He even took my car and phone without me even knowing to pick up his friends and hangout at my friends house without me...I was very mad but of course to him and his friends I overacted about it all.. Did I really? So I let that one go by he later was at his friends and asked me to meet him to pick him up but later called me after I waited about 30 mins and told me to forget about it. This was it for me I broke with him at this point. Now he keeps showing up to my apartment asking me to give him another chance and he is willing to change but I've gave him soo many chances and I've had enough of the same stuff over and over again. I know he will never change and he will always continue to put his friends before me. We talked and he told me his life was worthless without me and that he would never find anyone like me. And i dont want him to do something stupid because i wont go back with him.I don't want to fall back in his trap. What do I do? Have I overacted about the whole situation? Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2013): No you haven't overreacted, in fact you were a fool to put up with that for so long.
Let's go through some of the details here.
Willing to change is never enough only the change itself is and only in the long term, everyone can put in the effort for a short amount of time. Real change takes years. So you'd be wise to not even consider taking him back until any of those conditions are met, and frankly in that time you'll have moved on.
"his life was worthless without me and that he would never find anyone like me"
That's bullshit and you know it, his life isn't worthless it's just a bit tougher now that he doesn't have his surrogate mommy to wipe his ass for him. Well it's time he learned to become an independent man anyway. You know what? He won't find another like you and that's a good thing too, don't take this the wrong way but there'll be a better woman out there for him in the respect of being more suited to him, a woman who enjoys mothering men and serving his lazy needs and won't mind taking a back seat to his social life.
You're not that woman, you need care, attention and a guy who has a life to share with you, not have you as his life.
But fuck him OP, he should have thought of all that before he took your for granted and walked all over you.
You want to move on, you know you have to move on and the only way to do that is to cut him off completely for a while. You don't need his pity party bullshit wrecking your head, you had enough of that in the relationship well you ended the relationship so you wouldn't have to endure that, so cut him off. Tell him maybe in the future you'll be friends but for now you need time and space to heal.
OP if you truly want to help this guy, then the best way you can do that and help him improve his life is by losing you completely. OP you weren't the best thing in his life, you were just an enabler for him. A tool he could use to make his life easier. Well he's not going to grow up until you're gone. Being with you has stalled his life. He's now in a position where he has practically nothing because when he lost it you just stepped in, without you he'll have to fend for himself or find some other sap to do it.
Get rid of him, take your time and heal and take some lessons away with you too. Sure it's fine to help your partner when times are tough but you never let yourself be taken for granted and you never allow yourself to be an enabler to bad behaviour.
He may not see it right now but he's better off without you in the long run because he liked having you wipe his ass, you have nice soft hands and were very gentle with his butthole, knew how to reach into the awkward spots, now he has to learn to fold the toilet paper on his own, use the right motion and ensure he gets every little off without cutting the delicate tissue of his anus.
OP any time you have a moment of weakness where going back seems like a good idea, just remember how much you'll hate yourself if you do and don't do it.
He won't do something stupid, he's just emotional after a break up, the far more stupid thing he could do is actually get back together with you. It's time he grew up.
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (8 June 2013):
 Hello, Your ex realises that you have an exceptionally good and kind heart. He knows that you obviously still care for him....not exactly love him, but you do care for him still or else you wouldn't be trying to help him. I am curious to know where are his other friends....or better yet...where are his parents? Surely....you are not the only hero in his life...or perhaps you are the only one who will still take his nonsense when he comes with a sad story. How does he get access to your car keys and phone though? I am going to assume that you give it to him or he has access to your apartment or home...otherwise he would be breaking and entering...which I might remind you is illegal.For your sake, I suggest that you cut ALL contact with this free loading guy. You are in school and he serves as an unwanted distraction to you. At your age, this type of mental and emotional stress isn't ideal. It isn't a raffle, we don't get chances upon chances to prove ourselve after we've made a career of messing up. Stop enabling him ....and encouraging his silly behaviour. You are in control of your life. Let him get himself back on his own feet. He doesn't need you....his life isn't worthless without you....and if it is....trust me, he doesn't need you....he needs counselling to get him sorted out not only by accepting you guys are over, but by taking responsibility for his own life.Live your life young lady, you have a world of opportunity ahead of you if you don't allow these distractions to derail you from who you want to be. There are MANY worthy, respectable and nicer fish in the sea, allow one of them to find you without having this extra baggage around you. No one can move forward while being tied to a rusty pole....cut ties, let him and let it go....and move on minus playing a hero. You will be glad you didWishing you well.
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