A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He never really talks about our future together, and he always say things that make me question how he views our future, but I never questioned him openly until last night. For example, the other night I told him how I was looking at astrology for fun, he asked me about his sign which is sagittarius. I told him how it says they tend to be promiscuous, but I dismissed it saying that those things can't always be true because I never would suspect him to be like that (and I'm being honest, he has always shown how he is against cheating and promiscuity, for example I told him how my cousin and her fiancee have both cheated on each other multiple times and he was disgusted.)Well he said something that surprised me, he said "maybe I am that way and I just don't know it" I asked him what he meant and he said "well I'm in a relationship RIGHT NOW. I don't know what I'm like when I'm not in one" Which kind of hurt, we've been together for 3 years and he made it seem like it's just something temporary, not only that but of course he knows what he's like when he isn't in a relationship, he wasn't in one when we met. But I figured maybe it's just the way it came out and he didn't mean it like that so I let it slide.Last night I was really thinking about it and worrying and thinking about how he has said a lot of things like that. I decided to ask him about it, I just simply asked him if he still sees us being together in the future or if he is unsure and he got really mad and he said I've become too attached to him recently. I couldn't believe it, of course I'm attatched to him.. I love him, I've been with him for what I see as a pretty long time. What should I make of this? He is very loving most of the time, but after 3 years I want to know whether I'm wasting my time if he doesn't see this going anywhere in the future. I don't understand what he means by me being "too attached," and I can't talk to him about it because he gets mad and says I'm "taking it too far" Any ideas?? I'm so confused about our relationship now. Should I be worried or not?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2008): i am a saggitarian female and was in a relationship for 5yrs,he also never wanted to talk about the future and i was worried,it turned out that after reading my star sign he started to get paranoid and eventualy accused me of cheating then ended it with me,but i know my starsign was just an excuse for him knowing he had no intension of having a future with me
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who has answered, each and every one of you was helpful!Bitterblue, I agree with you about how he refuses to talk about this, in fact he rarely ever wants to have a serious conversation about our relationship, but he doesn't mind serious conversations about other topics. I will address this when the time is right, as I don't want to keep bringing this up and pushing him away when our relationship is mostly fine aside from this aspect.And we are both in college so yes we're both still young, I don't expect him to give me an engagement ring for Christmas :P We actually broke up for about a month back in April over a few different things that have since been resolved. He came back to me and wanted me back (and of course I wanted him back too, I was heartbroken over the breakup) and when he was begging for me back he told me how he had thought of marrying me and having kids with me, and that lasted for about a few weeks and he went back to being laissez faire about the future. Maybe BAKN you're right and he just doesn't want to admit it, and StudentOfLife you're right, I have a tendency to worry!I'm going to take things one day at a time and keep loving him as best I can, as I don't want to lose him over this or push him away!Thank you again, you're all wonderful!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): I would in turn be more worried about "I can't talk to him about it because he gets mad". You should be able to carry a decent conversation where you explain your points of view while expecting to leave the topic with less confusion then when you started it. I see this is not the case here? Moreover, you are afraid to breach the subject again in case he thinks you are "taking it too far." This should not be an issue. Once you are concerned over a problem, that you express with tact and respectfully, your partner should at least hear you out no matter how insignificant the problem seems to him. Therefore if you seek to clear away your doubts, you are in the right to do so, kindly tell your partner that your concerns may very well be unfounded but you wish that he is willing to address this detail and tell you how he feels about your relationship and if it can continue to succeed as it has, what he thinks about it generally in several aspects that you can both name. In this manner, you are taking a close look at your relationship and yourselves, which may help you in how you treat your relationship further on and to know what is there to add or change, if such is the case. A serious talk is not only good to resolve a conflict, it is also part of the care and maintenance of a relationship. All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2008): Obviously, He doesn't know what he wants for the future. On one hand, if you "push" the issue you will most likely push him away.
On the other hand, you have the right to know...it's your future too!
I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do!
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (23 December 2008):
 The mind tends to create negative thoughts when everything is fine. For some reason, we think that something must will go wrong and we do unnecessary thinking or worrying about it.
Everybody is different, some like to dream about the future, some just focus on the present. We're all different, we must learn to accept those different and live with it.
Life is not about love a perfect person, but learning to love an imperfect person perfectly.
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female
reader, [:BAKN:] +, writes (23 December 2008):
![[:BAKN:] agony aunt](/avatars/295e7571-3f5c-44b3-8ae7-9a93a1482d70.png) that's awesome that ya'll have been together for that long!! kudos to you!! :] I'm not sure if you should really be worried but it's human nature to be. some guys are just hard-headed & don't like to admit how they feel but sooner or later if ya'll are truely meant to be then he'll express his feelings that he has toward you i understand how you've been patient with him for so long but i'm sure it will pay off in the end. i hope that helped :]
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female
reader, ShanL +, writes (23 December 2008):
 Well I really can't use this one but I'll tell you anyway......in one of my other relationship with this guy and at first it was good we talked about everything and one day the same thing happened and guess what he's a Sagittarius also and he was cheating as a matter of fact he cheated multiple times with multiple girls. He said he was against cheating too, but our relationships are different. I would say the thing to do is pray and ask for guidance with this guy and really check him out and see if he acts any differently from day one.
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