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I don't think it's fair of my ex to ring me up drunk and tell me how much I mean to him...especially when he has a girlfriend!

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Question - (30 January 2006) 3 Answers - (Newest, 1 February 2006)
A female , anonymous writes:

Me and my ex were together, on and off, for about 9 months. He split up with me 3 months ago, because there wasn't anything wrong with me or our relationship, but he didn't want the pressure of a relationship. I'm still struggling to get over him, but we stayed mates and we talk every couple of weeks.

He has recently got a new girlfriend, which really hit me hard, but I accepted it and we were fine. But a few days ago he rang me, after drinking, and said that he likes her but she was doing him wrong. So I gave him some friendly advice, but then he started comparing her to me and said things like, "My dad said you were good", "I've got something special with you", "of all the people I could have rung I rang you - that means something", "You know how I feel about you". I told him that he was being silly and none of those things mattered, but he said he wasn't and that they did matter.

Then his girlfriend turned up, so he said he'd talk to me the next day. I got off the phone and I was really upset and confused, because I couldn't understand why he was saying those things. Then when I rung him to see if he was ok, the next day, he said that everything was fine with his girlfriend and that he was drunk the night before.

I wasn't surprised at his excuse and told him that I was glad everything was ok, but that the next time he was drunk not to say things like that to me, because he doesn't mean them and it's not fair. I said I'm here for him but that he can't use me to fall back on when he has problems with his girlfriend. He just said ok.

I was wandering if you would be able to give me any insight as to why he said those things and whether there was any truth in them. If so why did he just make that excuse the next day? Should I stay friends with him or cut ties for good? Or should I ask him why he said those things?

Help!

Yours thankfully

Confused

View related questions: drunk, has a girlfriend, his ex, my ex, split up

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2006):

JUST DONT ANSWER THE PHONE! DONT TALK TO HIM!

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A female reader, shania United Kingdom +, writes (31 January 2006):

shania agony auntIt sounds to me like the drink was talking,he shouldnt of rang you because he is playing with your feelings and that is cruel.Once he was sober he didnt come running to you for a 2nd chance,did he? You deserve better then that....personally for you to get over him properly i would stop all contact with him....you might think that im being a bit too harsh but while you are still talking to him,you will be hoping at the back of your mind whether you two will get back together or not....how could you move on and forget him if the contact is still there? Who knows? once you pull fully away from him he might start to think that he really does miss you and want you back? Try it.... you have nothing to lose. Good luck.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006):

So he wants to keep you as a friend, but also expresses feelings for you. It sounds like he's keeping you on hold in case things don't work out with him and his girlfriend. He doesn't know what he wants and at the same time is probably afraid of being alone.

He may be keeping you on hold, but don't put yourself on hold for him, waiting for his next move. He made a decision not to be with you and probably gets bored easily and changes his mind about people all the time. I don't think it's worth keeping the "friendship" going if it means you're agonizing over his mixed signals. It may be time to cut him loose.

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