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female
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anonymous
writes: How do you know if someone isn't right for you? I've been doubting the strength of my relationship for 2 of its 5 years. He is the sweetest, kindest, most genuine man you could meet, but I don't love him as much as he loves me and I don't think he's right for me in so many ways. I don't know what to do. I feel sick at the idea of not being with him, and of hurting him, but I'm not sure these are good enough reasons to stay together. He knows what I think to a certain extent, but I think he believes we're going through a rough patch that will be resolved in time. Also, if I do decide that it isn't meant to be, we're in a long-distance relationship (this isn't the problem, we always have lived apart), and I have no idea how I would go about ending our relationship. Over the phone after 5 years seems so wrong. I don't want it to be over, but I think that could be for the wrong reasons. Thanks in advance. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2006): I read this post, and I could have sworn it was something I wanted to ask 8 months ago. I too was in a long distance, long term relationship with a man who would give me the world just to see me smile. I loved him, but not at all like the way he loved me. I wanted to end it, but like yourself, I didn't want to be without him or hurt him. I talked to him very frankly about my feelings over the phone one evening, and he recommended that we take a weekend away together, just having fun and relaxing. I agreed, thinking that at the very least he deserved better than a "break up phone call". We took that weekend, and it was wonderful. He didn't do anything different or special, and neither did I. We didn't talk about our situation, we just enjoyed ourselves. That weekend I came to relize that he was the one I wanted, that I was in love with him. Since then, we've been very happy. We started taking a weekend away each month. Our solution was more time spent together. It may or may not be the right decision for you, but it's worth a shot. You'll make the right decision, just follow your heart. Don't worry about his feelings because he will eventually be okay. All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): Im sure this is the last thing you want to hear but you and ONLY you will know the answer to your question, the answer is deep inside you how you feel and what you feel is right for you.
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