A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have no family and even though I know many many people and have many acquaintances - hundreds...I will not call any of them true friends. I feel so down about this all lately, there just seems to be a lack of nice, genuine kind people. Whenever people are in trouble or need a friend they call me and I often go out of my way to help anyone. Many times I have even let so many people live with me for free when they are down and out on their luck. But when it comes to me there is no one I can call - just even for support or words of encouragement.I feel saddened. If I had a bad day or something bad happened there is no one I can call to talk to about it or even who would care. Everyone I know seems to be too self indulged and selfish and have little concern for anything else. The times I did need a friend or even moral support when I tried to call people I know somehow would just try to trivialise my problem or end up just talking about themselves. Generally the most popular advice I would get is "Yeah dont worry about it, I am sure you would think of something" Now before anyone starts telling me I need counselling etc etc I do not. I am an independant and happy person and do not particular need someone to hold my hand along all the trials of life. I am not a hermit and I have an extremely active social life. However, everyone in life has friends and it seems I have none - or at least, genuine ones! I feel lonely at times and down by this. If I were to have just one or two good reliable friends I would be happy. Someone who would call me just to see how my day was or someone I could share something good or bad that happened with and they may at least have some sort of concern or help me if I need a helping hand. Of course I can put an ad somewhere saying "Seeks genuine friend who would care" or whatever. I have no idea where I could find someone of the sort or to have someone to be my REAL friend! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Brunette9010  +, writes (5 November 2009):
Im going through the same thing.. I have a BF and seriously no friends. I had a bestfriend who forgot about me the minute she got a new guy.. this sux but i often feel lonely
A
female
reader, lori32 +, writes (11 September 2009):
Oh my gosh! I so know what you mean!! I came on the computer today putting in "I have no really good friends!"Everybody likes me, but I have never had a best friend. Maybe I'm too picky. I like a real "friend" to be honest, genuine, not a "backstabber." Someone exactly like you described. I too have helped so many other people. I am always wanting to help someone who is down on their luck, etc., and I'm always the one who ends up getting hurt. I love to help people, but no one is ever there for me. Just as a friend. I don't want anything out of anyone. I just want a true friend. My neighbors are all friends with each other, and with me, supposedly. They all talk to me and say they are my friends, etc., but when they decide to play cards, or have a cookout, they don't invite me unless I am right there when they make the plans. I will happen to go out into the backyard, and there they are, everyone except me and my kids. They wouldn't think of leaving one of the other neighbors out. Not only that, but they take my outdoor chairs without asking and use them at the cookout, or whatever the occassion might be. I have even talked to more than one of them about it. They never have much to say. I tell them that it makes me feel bad when they say they are my friend, but then don't invite me to do things with them. They will usually put the blame on someone else. I am a little bit older than most of them. I used to be a reserve(volunteer) police officer. I have told some of them how I feel about gossip, lying, true friends, etc., through conversations we have had. Most of them are pot smokers and drinkers, and I do neither. But it isn't that. They do try to get me to drink though. I just don't want to. I have nothing against it. My brothers used to call me a "goodie two-shoes," because they did all that stuff, and always got in trouble, and I didn't.I don't know what it is! I don't have any attitude towards anyone that drinks, etc.. I know I don't get out enough. Ever since I had to go on disability, I don't get out to do anything fun, or to see many people. I have also gained weight, so I tend to avoid going to anything that I don't have to.This problem has been a lifelong problem though. It's nothing new. School was the same way. Anyway, I feel exactly the way you do. I know your post was an old one. I hope you still check up on it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply, but no I have no family. My mother abandoned me when I was a toddler and I do not know much about her or her family (and no I do not have a particular interest to go trying to find them before anyone suggests that!!!) So no, when I say I have no family - I mean I have no family!
...............................
A
female
reader, royalpredica +, writes (26 November 2008):
From reading your reply to our comments, I am now getting the impression that perhaps you need to contact your family and try and speak to them about how you feel. The first thing you said was "I have no family" and I think this may be the root of your problem. I am sure at least one person in your family misses you terribly and is wondering how you are doing? x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the comments, I think perhaps alot of people may have gotton a wrong impression of me so let me explain.
I am a model, therefore you can probably guess the sort of people I mingle with there. On the side I have a part time job a few nights a week in one of the upper/higher market/celeb-type club in london and therefore you can imagine the sort of people I mingle with there. So these are the people I meet and interact with regularly. I know people are going to tell me join some club of some sort or get hobby where I can meet other types of people but believe me, I have little time in my days for even sleep sometimes muchless for going off to join a hobby group! So that is not possible - believe me!
I am not at all lonely nor do I need confidence or need to learn how to be friendly or conversation skills etc. I am generally a happy & bubbly person and its not about meeting people - I meet lots and lots and make "so called friends" easily and it is not like I sit and cry about this. But here is the thing: everyone needs a friend right? For example, I worked Saturday night and it was a dreadful night, and alot of stress. I came home and just cried - most people perhaps there is someone they could have called, a friend, sister, parent, whatever to just say - Oh I had a crap night listen to what happened and let out steam. Me, there was no one I could call. So of course, in times like this it is good to have a friend! These are the times I am speaking about where it may be nice to know someone who cared or was supportive to maybe know I could turn to when needs be - that is what I meant by my initial post.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): I think the more you dwell on the fact you feel lonely the more lonely you will feel and the more you will subconsciously isolate yourself from people. Look after the little girl in you and take her out, make her go places, force her to go out and about. When you're out, do you come across as approachable and bubbly? If not, try and pretend you are, even if just for once. If you act like you are popular you will look like you are fun to be around and people will want to be around you. By all means have a look online to see if there are any dance/art/hobby classes you might enjoy where lots of single people go, though I am not saying you need a boyfriend, what you need are like-minded people around you. Have you tried Club 18-30's holidays? They are fun!! But dont force the issue. Finding a good friend is a bit like trying to find a good boyfriend: the best ones are the ones you find without even trying. Try to believe the way you are feeling is only temporary and this will not last forever: I promise you. My advice is: the less hard you try the better you will feel. All the best darling xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): I totally understand where your coming from and it can happen so easily. Make plenty of 'freinds' but not ones you feel close or comfortable with. Which makes you feel isolated no matter how many people you get to know.My best recommendation to you is and this is from a similar experience.1: Socialise with smaller groups at any one time. This allows you to get to know people better.2: Dont be afraid to look stupid, negative or whatever way you want to put it, getting close to people involves letting them see your not perfect either and therefore open up to you it makes people comfortable. I dont mean moan to people.3: Take a risk and try to do things with people one on one ie. go for a quiet drink with a single person rather then a group people behave very differently out of group situations and more likely to 'let you in' or so to speak.4: Patience .....getting close to people takes a while not long but a little while.5: "No Man(or women) is an island" Share with people emphasize with people its a fast track to good friendship and dont wear there ear off doing it just take it easy. Plus it helps get rid of any feelings of isolation if ye get me.Hope i helped if not PM me and chat i was in similar situation when i moved to a new city 12 months later and although had loadsa work friends had no 'mates'. One day it just clicked what i was doing wrong.Anyway best of luck
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Think of a hobby or activity that you like doing and then join clubs of it. You should be able to make friends quite easily that way.
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 November 2008):
Well if you have an active social life then you just have to keep plugging away at it.
If you meet someone who you want to get closer to as a friend then just take a chance and text them and ask how their day was.
Keep meeting new people and that is all you can do.
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
|
