A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Basically my problem is that I don't feel attraction for anyone. I've dated quite a few men but when I considered having sex or doing anything intimate with them I felt really turned off, repulsed even. I assumed it was because I hadn't met the right person yet - my other relationships weren't perfect and after say a few months I'd get bored and call it off.Then about six months ago I meet a guy who's very like me, we get on well and have a lot in common but again I don't like the idea of sex with him, which is why I haven't pushed for a relationship in case it ruins our friendship.A friend of mine even suggested I might be bi, which I hadn't even thought of before. So I date a couple of girls but have the same problem.Another thing I think may be a problem is that I can't seem to get emotionally connected to anyone either. This goes for friends too. When I break up with someone or say a friend moves away, I feel nearly nothing which no one will believe.It's becoming really frustrating for me, I'm nearly 24 and have never been in a long term serious relationship whereas all my friends have and I'm envious of the happiness they get from it. I don't know why this is, I've thought about it long and hard but I don't know why. I've never had anything traumatic happen to me or anything like that. I have no problem with sex exactly and enjoy touching myself but have no desire to do it with anyone else.Any advice would be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers.Actually as a child a couple of people thought I might have autism/aspergers but I never went for the diagnosis as apparantly I didn't have enough symptoms. But with this problem on top of it I might see about getting tested for it. I did get 'you are very likely an Aspie' on the quiz.The borderline and especially the narcissistic doesn't sound a lot like me but I'll mention them if I go and see anyone about it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): I'm a 26 years old male.
Have you considered being an undiagnosed Asperger?
Go to this site, and make a quiz:
http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
Listen, Asperger people actually have no empathy, and don't feel a need of being close. They actually find close and intimate relationships disgusting and repulsive.
I know this because a few days ago I found out my girlfriend has Asperger. This explains many things in my 4 year relationship with her. I sometimes (most of the times) feel that she doesn't love me. She does not show any affection towards me. She has a hard time understanding jokes.
If you don't have Asperger, you might have the Mr Right Syndrome [Yeah, I just made that name up]. You're probably waiting for Mr Right to come along and turn your heart on fire. My sister has that problem, and has been waiting for Prince Charming to come along for her 33 years. Right now she is about to get married. The guys she is marrying is far from Mr Right. [By the way, she has Borderline Personality Disorder... she fluctuates between over-valuing someone to totally remove any worth of someone]
Have you considered having Borderline Personality Disorder traits? Take a look at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder
Now, if you are not Asperger, and not Borderline, then my last option is that, perhaps you might be Narcisistic:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder
Narcisism might also explain why you have a lack of empathy for other guy's feelings. A lack of empathy might explain the lack of attraction you feel.
If the personal assessment of yourself results negative on Asperger, Borderline, or Narcisism, you should probably consider going to a GOOD shrink [remember there are many quacks out there, so don't get upset by the first quack you find].
Finally, if no shrink can help you. Your last resort, is accepting yourself as you are. And live a life without a life partner. Really, it can't be that bad. You don't have to worry about pleasing a boyfriend/husband, and raising children. You get to be in charge of your life 100%. I somehow envy you. I'm on the other side of the coin. I can't live without a woman. Being with a woman brings me lots of emotions and feelings that I can't help but submit to them, and ask for more. If I get to break up, I get totally devastated. In that sense, if you chose to be forever alone, you'll be bulletproofing yourself from heartbreaks.
I home you get to feel attraction someday!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for the reply. I've had a look at the site but it doesn't really sound like me. I'll keep it in mind though.
Just to clarify I don't have a loss of desire for sex - I've never had it and as strange as it sounds I do get turned on and want a 'release' usually a few times a week. Just never with another person.
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A
male
reader, jayokayo  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 I aint no expert in this but here is a site they may be of some help to you http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/lackingsexdrive.htm sorry i cant be more help .
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