A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband thinks that i dont enjoy sex and thinks that he shouldnt do it. The problem is i know its something important to him. He calls me asexual. The thing is i think i made a mistake in telling him that i dont like it very much. Now he has a high and mighty attitude like he's sacrificing so much for me. Im not sure what to do.The thing is i dont enjoy it very much- i find he takes so long that i start to feel sore and want to stop before he's finished. But i do want him to be happy because it makes me happy only im not sure how... and especially now that he thinks we have a relationship with everything but sex. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Mugzie69  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Just a thought...Maybe you are. http://www.asexuality.org/home/This is a decent site. This is a decent site. Check it out. Perhaps it will give you some insight to better understand yourself and/or talk with your husband.All the best!
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Try explaining it again. Sex (or the lack thereof) within marriage is an extremely sensitive topic, so be prepared for him to be defensive and to accuse you of nasty things. Ignore it; it's hard to stay mad at someone who doesn't get mad in return.
Explain that you want it to be quicker - he won't believe you at first (I wouldn't under the same circumstances, even knowing that it's true in general), but he'll eventually come around.
Don't explain that you want to have sex just to make him happy. A large part of any man's concept of sex is the desire to please his woman, so telling him you'll put up with it to make him happy basically misses that point. It forces him to confront the fact that he will never be appreciated for his efforts to please - which is part of why he'll probably be very defensive.
You do have the right attitude about having sex to keep him happy - many wives I've met do not have that - it's just not something that should be shared in the context of discussing your dislike of sex.
Best of luck trying to explain this and get past it. Remember, getting angry at him in response to his anger will only add fuel to the fire. Let him get it out of his system, but remain calm, and he should come around eventually. It will just take time, as his entire view of sex in the future is going to have to change.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Sex doesnt make the world go round, but it is an important factor in a healthy relationship/marriage. Have u never enjoyed the sex? Or do u think ur getting to the point in ur marriage where sex is less and less? Ive heard this happens after children come into the pic. It sounds like he doesnt get u turned on enough to keep u going or u get off early first and then are waiting on him. Now back in my day I could go for hours but If I have to do that now I need a lot of foreplay, and some lube. My suggestion is make sex fun it doesnt have to be a chore! Get a lil naughty, and dirty..Introduce toys, whips, vibrators, naughty costume (a nurse, french maid, naughty school girl with a ruler!) get a lil creative role playing going on, maybe watch a decent porn together while doing it, anal if ur into that..the options are endless!
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