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female
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*adika
writes: IM 29 AND MY PARTNER HIS 23,WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 4 YEARS,HAVE A BABY TOGETHER 15 MONTHS,MY MAN WAS ON DRUGS FOR A SHORT TIME,BUT DURING MY PREGNANCY HE GOT HELP AND HAS BEEN ON MEDICATION FOR A YEAR,SEX BECAME ZERO TO HIM BUT NOW HIS BACK TO NORMAL,IVE GOT NO DESIRE FOR SEX.I DONT ENJOY OR FEEL ANYTHING DURING SEX,WE ARE BOTH MORE BUSY ARGUING ABOUT FINANCIAL PROBLEMS NOWADAYS,I DO LOVE HIM.BUT I JUST FEEL BORED,WEAK STRESSED OUT BY THE TIME HE COMES TO BED.IF HE TOUCHES ME DOWN BELOW I FEEL DEAD.HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND HOW TO FEELGOOD WITH MY SELF AGAIN
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2006): First, the practical stuff. There is now surgery available to help women who have lost vaginal wall strength due to child-birth. It's called vaginal rejuvination, and some people say it not only tightens the vagina but also helps to improve in the quality of sex. Here are some articles:http://archive.salon.com/sex/feature/2000/11/14/vagina/http://www.channel4.com/health/microsites/09/4health/body/sur_designer.htmlThere are also exercises you can do to tighten up the vagina walls and help prevent incontinence, etc:http://www.kegel-exercises.com/That said, it should be known that orgasm is pretty much impossible without clitoral stimulation. I don't think any woman is really actually turned on at the idea of some guy climbing carelessly on top to pound away at her. That kind of sex lacks care and attention on any level to a woman's excitement. Here, you can find information about clitoral stimulation:http://www.sfsi.org/answers/clitoris.htmlMy personal experience as well as my interviews with many female friends tell me that there are two ways that women enjoy sex enough to achieve orgasm. One is to be on top, grinding your clitoris into his pelvic bone. And the second is to have him behind you, doggie style, so you can stimulate your clitoris with your hand or with a vibrator. (I recommend the Hitachi Magic Wand.Okay, on to the emotional stuff. Better sex isn't going to solve financial and relationship problems. He needs to care about you. He needs to be nice to you. He needs to be involved in the household, providing money or taking care of the baby. One person does one, the other person does the other. And you share duties when you're too exhausted. You both need to talk to each other. You both need to provide each other with emotional support. It needs to be you and him against the world. Yeah, I know. Not all relationships can be like that. Try anyway, maybe? At best, you get a good thing. Worst, you get more of the same. Good luck to you.
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