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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend had a one night stand 2 years ago. I had a lot of trust issues, but I gave him a second chance! I have just found out that he has been going to lap dancing bars since this period. While we hardly set down what he can and cannot do, he has lied to me and I think that all the trust has gone. Should I end it now and save myself any future heart-ache?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2006): I do think that lap dances can be a violation of trust. Yes, you shouldn't treat your mate as a child, but you should have boundaries. If they hurt you, I think you should be honest about that, then, he can decide whether or not lap dances are that important to him. If they hurt you and you do consider them a violation of trust, then, I would suggest you move on. My own personal motto is "look all you want. . . take a picture even. . . but don't touch". Chances are he wouldn't want you giving a lap dance to a strange guy, so, why is it okay for him to recieve one from a strange girl? Again, different relationships have different boundaries and it's usually not a question of right or wrong. If you are not comfortable revealing your feelings to him, then, this is probably not a good relationship for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2005): I'm not going to tell you what to do or not to do. Instead I'm going to tell you to GO to the CLUB yourself and find out exactly what goes on. I personally think you will be SHOCKED. In my humble opinion I think lap dances SHOULD be considered cheating.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2005): Unfortunately some men need to be told what they can and can't do. If you really love him and see a future, give it a go. But you need to make the decision to trust him and trust him. Don't start snooping or you will never trust him. If he betrays you again, dump his ass!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2005): I had major trust issues with my ex aswell, and it may take a while for the trust to come back but it is possible for it to be rebuilt. Now this being said, I have to tell you that the only reason it was able to be built up again was because he was on his 'best behaviour', or should I say, he put on his 'best act'. No matter how you dress it up, a skunk is always a skunk. Trust your instinct! From experience, when it happens a second time it hurts a hell of alot worse than the first.
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female
reader, laurette +, writes (25 September 2005):
being in a healthy relationship, shouldn't be about rules about what he can and can not do because he'll feel trapped and restricted and he'll do it anyway. if he's cheated once , it's possible he'll cheat again but it's not always the case but the more you accuse him the more likely he is to go out and do what he's getting blamed for doing. unless you have evidence that he is cheating , rather keep it to yourself until you are absolutely sure. jealousy so often rules the heart and can destroy a relationship. ask yourself a few things, are you happy with him?, is he your whole world?, could you cope without him in your life? do you ever think you will trust him? if the answer is no then you have to make a few decissions about about this relationship. don't let anyone make you feel unconfident or unsure of yourself. keep possitive and strong. take time with love because love is a precious thing. talk to your partner rather than argue or accuse him and you never know you might find the answer you're looking for to make that decission that might either make or break what you have with him.. good luck and i hope you find the answers you're looking for...
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A
female
reader, missdee +, writes (25 September 2005):
You shouldn't have to set down rules for your man exactly what he can and can't do like he is a child. He is a man and he should know how to treat you without being told. Everyone makes mistakes. It is when we keep making mistakes that it becomes impossible to forgive, and trust is lost. Sometimes forever.
Make one rule if you decide to stay. Tell him don't do anything to you that he wouldn't want you doing to him. That has worked great for me for 11 years now.
I know you have alot of time invested in this man,
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female
reader, [email address blocked] +, writes (25 September 2005):
Trust is the main foundation of a relationship. A one night stand would be enough for me. Strip clubs, NO WAY! I know what trust issues are like and strip clubs are out of the question. If a man has to go there then it's HIS problem that he needs to address. And on top of the one nighter he had, ummm, I think you deserve better. Breaking up sucks but I've looked at it like this, I'd rather hurt for a while getting over someone than to hurt and distrust them everyday of my life over shit they've done to hurt me. I'm a faithful, loyal person when I'm committed to someone and when they break my trust, I can definetly put some walls up to that person. No woman deserves a man that's not trustworthy and if they continue to stay, they have self- worth issues they need to work out for themselves. I always try to remember that ''this too shall pass.'' Good Luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2005): Your boyfriend does not act like someone who is ready for a commitment. Save yourself the heartache and keep your options open.
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A
female
reader, Hella +, writes (25 September 2005):
You've got 2 options here. You can either get relationship advice, and try to build your trust again, or you can walk away. If you stay in the relationship, you could end up being hurt again.
I personally would walk away, because a relationship is nothing without trust.
If you do decide to walk away, just remember, not all men are the same, so don't let this one bad experience effect any future relationships.
You deserve happiness and respect. Good luck.
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