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I didn't kiss him on our first date - is that why he is acting hot/cold around me?

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Question - (17 July 2006) 1 Answers - (Newest, 18 July 2006)
A female , *effer50 writes:

Hey! I know this is super long but I’d really appreciate your opinions if you read on.

I'm having trouble with this guy that I really like. I work with him and he asked me out back in February but I had to go back up to school before we had a chance to go out. But the entire month I didn’t see him he still called me like once a week and we got to know each other a lot better through our telephone conversations and I always looked forward to his calls.

We went out when I got home and had a really good time. I went back to school again and still he called at least once a week or so and kept refrencing taking me out again when I got home. So we did go out again and had a lot of fun. He was affectionate and held my hand and put his arm around me during the movie and everything and I absolutely loved it even though I was a little shocked. At the end of the night he asked if he could kiss me but I said no just because I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. That was my initial reaction and he was taken aback and asked me why I didn’t kiss him when I worked with him the next day. I just told him kissing is a big deal for me which it is because it would have been my first kiss and I've waited this long, being 19, I wanted to make sure it was right. But he still called when I was back at school and as the time was coming for me to return home for summer he was saying about getting to take me on a date again.

At this point I really like him. I've been home for two months now and we've hung out like three times or so, that's it! And I asked him one of those times and we have yet to go out just the two of us on a date because we've been out with my friends and such. Ever since I've been home he's just seemed different I really have no clue as to what has changed between us but some days at work he seems really flirty and I'm like "ok he's into me maybe". And then other days nothing like he sometimes doesn’t even seem to care that I'm there so I'm like "ok he's not”. And I'm just at a loss as to how to act around him because I really really do like him a lot but I dont want to act interested when he doesn’t return the gesture but I don’t want to not act interested because I definitely am.

I just don’t know if I should let him know how I feel and risk getting hurt because I do think sometimes he just thinks I'm not into him especially since the “non-kiss” (which I really want to kiss him now!) or if I should just let it be and risk him never knowing and just going on from here.

It's gotten to the point that I miss him when he's not there even if he's not even talking to me. I just like his presence and he tends to cross my mind more than a few times a day...HELP ME! I don’t want to go back to school in a month without this issue resolved because I don’t want to hang on to false hope and wish that every phone call I get will be him. The last option sucks because I want to know what he's thinking...any advice as to what to do or what to say if I do spill my guts?

View related questions: at work, flirt, I work with, kissing

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2006):

Don't worry. He was probably annoyed that you didn't kiss him, but maybe even upset,and thought you didn't like him. Your first kiss is always scary. I always wanted it to happen, but it was the scariest thing i could think of to happen. But i did it and that wasn't until about 2 months of starting to date my boyfriend.Even now i don't kiss guys on our first date ever. If you really like him then make sure he knows it, don't wait for him, move things along for yourself. And enjoy it, don't worry. I hope things work out for you.

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