A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i really cannot stand my girlfriends friends. and it's not because they gossip or stir up drama, etc. it's because they're all extremely unfaithful and really genuinely not good people. and what i've learned through my experiences in life is that your friends generally depict the type of person you are. you can tell a lot about a person by their friends. my friends are mostly all settled and in very healthy, happy, stable relationships. and the ones that are single are very genuine, honest people. they would never cheat, lie, etc. but it seems ALL of her friends are either married and sleeping around, or in one relationship yet seeing a handful of other people behind their partners back. it really irritates me and honestly, it disgusts me. she was talking about a friend of hers tonight that was angry at this girl he's been talking to because she refuses to leave her boyfriend for him yet...HE'S MARRIED!! when i mention this to her, she just tells me not to judge her friends. but do i have a right to be bothered by this? maybe i don't. but it really gets under my skin.
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male
reader, mrg123  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Well as you pretty much say, I think this is as much about her friends as the reflection you feel it casts her and the simple plain fact you are worried that environment will lead to unfaithfulness. Having said that I am not convinced its a sole determining factor and you should bear this in mind. Its entirely possible for a good, faithful person to have friends who are not the same and you should remember that every rule has its exceptions.Do you have the right to be bothered? Well, I am not sure that is a question of right or wrong, it purely is, I can understand why you are and think I would probably support your judgements of these people but it is nobodies place to a judge another fully unless they have been directly wronged by them, though that doesnt usually stop people to be honest - the question is what you do about this. My feeling is that you have little to worry about - these friends are a hangover from a past your girlfriend is a little ashamed of now because its a stage she's move through it and they havent. She gets irritated not because of her friends per se but because she feels like your judging her. This is the rub isnt it. Your both taking this slightly the wrong way. If you must pass comment - and its probably better if possible to go without - id try and so in a way that clearly distinguishes between her and her friends and is sensitive to her that your not meaning to imply anything about her character. In yourself as well, try and tell yourself that friends do not define who a person is in their entirety because they dont and reassure yourself, that will help you communicate better. Good luck.
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