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male
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*obLikes01
writes: I am having a hard time on losing my viginity. Every time I get hard either I come or it dies on me. IS that something bad? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2006): Who are you having sex with?You have to think about it weather your having sex for the sake of the other person or because you want to.If your not enjoying it neither will your penis.Also do u masterbate regulary this may help your penis ajust to you and getting an erection(hard).
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (1 August 2006):
 There are a few bits of vital information missing from your letter, to really allow much advice to you.
Mainly I wonder: who are you trying to have sex with? A longtime girlfriend? A sexually-experienced woman? A "professional"? Another virgin? Another man?
If your first sexual experience is off-putting in some way, or you feel scared or nervous, it'll definitely affect your erection.
Coming too soon is simply a matter of learning a bit of control, and that comes with experience. Although my personal experience with virgin men is limited to just a couple, I don't remember hearing of too many men who could last as long as they wished they could... at least for the first few times.
So that's not too much of an issue, and you can deal with that.
It's the going-floppy problem that suggests to me that you're either rushing, nervous, drinking, embarrassed, or all of the above.
So, without knowing anything but what you've written, I'd say that you need to do some self-analysis and think about what's going through your mind just prior to trying to have sex. What are you thinking and feeling? Could any of that be affecting your erection? Are there any conditions you can change to make the situation less difficult for you?
The best of all possible situations is that you're having sex with someone you love and care about, and feel comfortable with, in an environment where you can take your time. That way, if something goes awry, you can always give it a rest and try again in a little while. Eventually, it'll happen.
So, all I can suggest is that you try to change whatever aspects of the situation you can, to make them more comfortable for you. And don't drink prior to sex, if you can avoid it! You don't need the handicap of "brewer's droop".
Just as an aside, you might consider seeing a urologist if you have can't get hard at all, even when masturbating.
Best of luck.
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