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female
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anonymous
writes:How do I get over my boyfriends past? I'm not going to go into details, let's just say it's very colourful with regards to girls.Now, I know he's changed since he met me and wants to settle down but I just can't get over his past, seeing the girls around just kills me and I take it out on him. It's causing so many rows and I want to leave to get away from this pain but I love him so much, it seems a shame to waste something which is great, apart from this.What's made it worse is the fact that he's stopped performing very well with me in bed at the moment due to stress, alcohol etc and that's getting me down. I think he enjoyed it more with them slags!! I just can't get past this and I've refused to have sex with him for the past week after seeing a girl he's slept with.I feel like I'm going crazy and I need to make a decision fast; either i get over this or i get over him. I'd like to sort this out and move on but do you think that's possible? Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): No one can change their past. They can only work on being who they are today. It sounds to me like you feel jealous of the women he had been with intimately and you don't really trust him now. That's not a basis for a good relationship. You need to get some kind of counseling to understand why you feel this way. I doubt that it just appeared suddenly when you started dating this guy. You probably have issues from past relationships with boyfriends or maybe even your family. I'm not criticizing you. Many of us have these same insecurities. All I'm saying is that you have to have trust in order to have a good relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2006): well i have sorta the same thing going on....i asked wayyyy too many questions about my g/fs past sexual history...shes 25 only slept with 4 other people (her bf/s) and it doesnt bother me shes had sex with them at all...just the details bother me...the mental pictures.. it bothers me how much of a jerk her x's have been to her. regular sex is one thing but to make a girl gag and then proceed to ask her to throw up on his penis disgusts me! even anal sex speculums and that stuff im getting over but this tops it all off...i know its wrong to judge someone and i realized that...im judging her b.fs and how can u treat a lady like that....but im getting over it and i realized the best thing is keep poz and say something poz everytime it pops in ur head...cuz it was totally none of my buisness and the best advice ever is Less is MORE! anyone wanna help please comment
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (20 April 2006):
 I am going through the same thing, I know how horrible it feels.What has worked for me is to try positive visualization. You can almost get addicted to the horrible images of your partners' previous sexial experiences, and end up obsessing over them again and again. What I do is when I feel myself falling into this I very deliberately think about the positive things I like about my partner. It's not easy, but it can be done, and it can help push the negative thoughts out of your head.You have to recognize that those thoughts are there, and might come back, but if you feel that you are able to push them away then the situation does become more bearable over time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2006): Well how innocent are you? I had this problem for a while untill i realised and come to my senses. Think back to some of the people you have slept with, was it like really special and do yoou miss them all like crazy? No, not at all. And thats going to be the same for, thats if he can even remember their names! It's just hurtful to think that they have been with other people before yourself, but it's reality
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2006): Some people will tell you to try to talk to him about your 'problems'. Others will probably just decide for you and say dump his ass. However, I'll simply say this... If you can't get over it, it will bug you for a long long long long time. I say do what you desire to do rather than ask strangers what you think you should do.
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A
female
reader, Danielle934 +, writes (20 April 2006):
 In my opinion I think if all his fooling around turned him into wanting more than just sex in a relationship, then I think his past is fine. I have this friend who is not even 21 and he has slept with 40 something woman! But the thing is that he has not had sex in almost 2 years due to the fact that he learned that he wanted more... a relationship. Wouldn't you rather have a man who chooses to be with you because he sees you differently than all those woman he has been with? I know you probably do not want to hear this but he just viewed those women as sex objects and nothing more, and now he is with you because you ARE something more. I myself (even though it is gross to think about it)would rather have a man who has done a little exploring in his past and now realizes what he wants, than take my chances with someone who hasn't had that much experience and is somewhat curious to what he might be missing.It is not right to judge someone on their past, people change as they grow older. What is important is the present; you said everything was great besides this one thing, so why ruin something so great just because of some stupid mistakes he made in the past that he has now learned from? Even though this may seem hard to do, you should be able to see a girl he has been with and not get upset, you should be proud in the fact that you are someone far better to him than she ever was, you mean so much more than her so why let her bring you down... she means nothing now and back then! This is all about you controlling your mind; you are the one who puts those unbearable thoughts in your mind, so only you know if this is something you can get over… or at least control. If you find yourself having those unbearable thoughts again you need to make yourself think about something else because you are allowing your imagination to get the best of you. If you find that you can’t do that then you must leave, because this is something that could eventually break you up… either you or him will get tired of it.Good luck!
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