A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello I returned from India last month having spent most of the time volunteering in a school for Tibetans. The trouble is I felt myself getting feelings for one of my students and the thing is she seemed to share those feelings for me, although without ever telling me (or me telling her). We talked more like friends than student and teacher and there seemed to be something between us. It wasn't weird as we were the same age. I really felt at ease with her too as we had such a good time in class or when we hung out on occasion. She is also the only person I think might had the same feelings (I think she cried when I left) for me as I have never been in a relationship at age 23. Now I am home and it's a few weeks after I last saw her and I still can't get her out of my head. I've e-mailed but I've received no reply and it's really getting to me, I'd love to hear from her or something but nothing has surfaced. I miss her more than anything, I know the sensible thing would be to let her go but I'm just finding it hard in that I never got any closure. I just can't see myself meeting anyone who makes me feel like she did so she just won't leave my mind. I only ever said that I missed her, I never mentioned feelings. I know I should let her go I just don't know how? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your answers. I think there is truth in what you're saying. The trouble is I saw her get teary eyed when I talked about my departure and heard members of her class had been crying. We talked more as friends than a student and teacher and was probably the first student to start calling me by my first name rather than sir which is the norm there. Her general behaviour seemed to be really happy to see me demanding I sit with her or occasionally rather nervous and often complimented me on my appearance. It was clear she never took me seriously as a teacher unlike some others. Although what you are both saying is true, I need to move on and I now may get the closure I need. Thank you.
A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (11 January 2015):
Don't assume about her feelings. And i agree with wiseowle, maybe she was just being polite.Also, in India, there are a lot of cultural issues. Even if she wants to, she might not be able to interact with you. On the other hand, she might just not have checked her mail. It's not a habit to constantly keep a track of emails unless they are expecting one. Sometimes, it's simply because they don't have access.You need to 1st figure out if you created the romance in your head. Seeing how uncertain you are, give yourself a certain time. If you hear from her again, great. Otherwise you have to move on. The only thing you can do is try what you think you can, so that when you look back tomorrow you will know that you tried but it din't work out. That's your closure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2015): I can relate to your story to some degree. There are certain people who may touch your life and have an affect on you like no one you've ever met. They stick with you. They settle into a corner of your heart. These people were only meant to be in our lives but for a fleeting moment.
It is possible that she will not answer; because she does not wish to hear from you. It is also quite possible that she was a very nice young woman being polite; and does not feel the same about you. She admired you for your knowledge.
Not to mention, for cultural reasons; her parents/family may not find your association with her beyond student/teacher appropriate. From your description of your interaction, I see no real indication that there was anything "romantic." It all seems imaginary. What you felt, but didn't say? You could have your signals completely crossed, if that's all you're going on.
Frankly, you've provided insufficient evidence to believe someone is attracted to you. It stays pretty much in the realm of wishful-thinking. You only spoke as teacher and student. Maybe that's all she felt toward you. Your followup messages may not make sense to her, or seem out of line.
You "think she cried?" Did she or didn't she?
You really need to allow your maturity and better judgment to prevail over your feelings. It is a little unhealthy to be so infatuated. You didn't have a relationship, so your feelings can't run so deeply on so little feedback. If you can't get your mind together over this, you might want to consider counseling. Especially, if you've never had a relationship by the age of 23. I can only imagine how lonely you may feel.
You're lonely and that is the first time you allowed yourself to overcome whatever holds you back from establishing healthy relationships with women. Now you're fixating on a young woman who is in a foreign country, and never established a real romantic relationship with. It is pretty much the typical story of meeting someone wonderful on vacation; sharing a brief time of pleasure in each others company; then comes the end and you go home.
The feelings will pass. Try a few more times to see if you get a reply; but don't push it. Her silence may be screaming, "I'm not interested."
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