A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Why cant i break up with my girlfriend?!?I know i want to do it, i want to see other girls and i cannot picture myself with my current Girlfriend forever. I think about other girls and dating them ALOT, yet i cannot break up with my girlfriend.We have had a few talks the past few weeks and they are very heartfelt talks in which we have to ask ourselves what to do next, and even though in my mind im saying "i want to be friends" i cannot get the courage to say it outloud and i end up screwing up and telling her we should try to work things out.We have dated for about 1 1/2 years now and the past month i have been having these feelings about seeing other girls, everyone i have asked told me to do it. but why cant i say it to her?Any tips? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 You don't have to break up yet. You can advice her to date other men and you will date other girls.
Whether she wants to date other men or not , it is her problem.
You can go ahead and date other girls without any guilty feelings.
If she is not satisfied , then she can break from you....take it or leave it. Your problem solved.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2008): You already have a pair of balls so use them to tell her!
She won't feel good either way.
She will need to know why, though, so no loose terms like;
' I need space', 'I wanna be friends' etc
I know it's all 'nice things to say' but she'll just be confused and wondering what she did wrong in
your relationship.(However, you've said you've already had heartfelt chats)
As another reader said similarily, don't prolong her agony.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): Hi there,
Well it is tough but it is also about growing up and handling relationships and being responsible for the ones we care abouts feelings. I commend you on being thoughtful and caring and it tells me that although this situation is tough, your being a decent guy.
You have been honest about your feelings and desires to see other girls which is also decent. It will be hard for your girlfriend as she probably doesn't have the same feelings about being with other guys. If you cheat on her or treat her badly trying to get her to leave, she will be more devastated than breaking up nicely, which can be done.
Please don't act on your interest in other girls yet. Maybe
you could slowly start distancing yourself being buzy, not partying but occupied so she starts to develop her own entertainment. Perhaps you could also write her a letter telling her what you have told us that your feeling a bit lost in the relationship and whilst you care for her deeply, you need time to be on your own for a bit to see how you feel. A much nicer way than her finding out your cheating on her. That would be the cowards way. Breaking up will always hurt the people involved. Yourv'e shared a time in your lives together for what ever reason and it would be pretty insensitive to dismiss that. Give her respect when you tell her, just don't leave her feeling that your the only boyfriend or partner she will ever have!
Well done so far, think about what you would want to hear if the roles were reversed!
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A
female
reader, ButterflyKisses  +, writes (15 January 2008):
My guess is that you don't want to feel responsible for causing her pain and you don't want her to have ill will towards you. Although your romantic feelings for her have changed, I'm sure you still care about her as a person. You are doing her a disservice by staying in a relationship you do not want. She would probably be humiliated if she knew you discussed this problem with other people (i.e. ...everyone i have asked told me to do it...". At this point, you need to to it for her, and not for yourself. Allow her to keep some dignity. Please don't prolong the inevitable for her.Good luck.
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