A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my ex and I broke up about a year and a half ago now, due to him having to move away for a job and me not being able to go at the time cause I hadn’t graduated college yet. It was tough for both of us but I basically cut him out cold turkey, up until September of last year. We started being friends again, but eventually it turned into more when he came to visit and we decided we wanted to try this one step at a time and he flew me to see him. We truly love each other. It was a great weekend away with him, however a little after I got back home we both decided long distance wouldn’t be ideal still after all this time. (He basically lives outside of the U.S so it’s tough) fast forward, we’ve remained friends and spoke here and there since then. He came back to visit his friends and family here just a few weeks ago and we hung out. Nothing happened, just got drinks and went home separately. But it was weird for me, I felt like this time him being back I didn’t feel like I was a part of his life anymore like I used to which made me really sad. It felt like the value of our friendship has kind of diminished in a way. Today I blocked him off all social media and his phone. I feel really bad because it’s not like anything bad happened and it’s out of the blue. I love him as a person and would love more than anything to have him in my life but I felt I needed to put myself first and cut distractions like that moving forward in my life and new career. He doesn’t know what he wants and I don’t want to be the girl he just puts on a shelf until he decides if he ever wants a life here with me. I got the vibe that he wanted me to move to where he is, last time I saw him, but I kind of shut it down talking about how great my career is going here. He lives in paradise but it’s not realistic for me at the moment. Anyway... Did I make a really rash decision? Should I feel this bad about it? I just can’t stop thinking about how confused he must feel once he finds out. How do I go about unblocking him in the future if I did make a rash decision?
View related questions:
broke up, long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2019): I personally think that you did the right thing for you and that in order for you to move forward in life and not be constantly hurt by reminders of what could have been, but aren't, that you need to not have the possibility of hearing from him, holding you back in some way.Perfectly understandable, but you should have let him know exactly that. If I were you I would get in touch with him and let him know that for your happiness you are going to have to ask for no contact or to block him, apologise that you didn't explain this to him earlier, but now you realise that he deserves an explanation, you are letting him know what you are doing and why and then wish him well.I would give him the opportunity to get back to you if he wants and work this thing out once and for all, of end it once and for all, but this toing and froing back and forth and wondering about him and missing him and wanting to be important in his life, but feeling him slowly slip away, is like taking a plaster off really slowly. It will hurt you every step of the way. So I totally agree with your actions, but I don't agree with not letting him know what you are doing and why.Well done though in being strong and good luck in the future.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 August 2019):
 You seem to have a terrible problem with communication. Your way of dealing with problems is to run away from them. When it comes to fight or flight, you choose flight instantly.
Blocking people should only happen when someone is bothering you, when talking or explaining to them is pointless and meaningless or when they don't deserve being spoken to.
From what I understand, this guy hasn't done anything mentioned above and yet you blocked him because you couldn't be bothered having a conversation with him. I don't think even you know what you want so you do the easiest thing... You stop all communication till you can decide what you want. Very childish.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2019): It was a bit rude. You could have explained that you wanted to go no-contact for a while for all the reasons you so so well explained to us but you cut him off. He may probably feel aggrieved about that in the future. It's absolutely your right to block people, but don't be surprised if they remember it if you try to reestablish a connection later. You didn't trust them to respect your wishes so they may not want to reform a connection. If you do unblock them the first thing out if your mouth should be an apology but honestly I think you know this relationship is now a thing of the past.
...............................
|
