A
female
age
41-50,
*onely girl324
writes:My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me 2 months ago. I'm 28 (he's 30) and our relationship was pretty serious. When things were great, we talked about getting married, settling down, and having kids. Things changed obviously and we found ourselves in a place where neither of us was really that happy anymore. Things weren't bad, but they weren't great so he finally decided to call it quits. I've realized now that I had growing up to do. I became a debbie downer who chose to look at things negatively and also became some what of a control freak. I couldn't see what I was doing wrong while in the relationship, but now with this new self-awareness, I've changed for the better and believe we can be great again. I went about a month without contact just to think things through and the next month I reached out to him a few times (3) to try to reconcile. More so asking him to just hang out as friends and see if the feelings are still there and to show him that we are good together. However, he's been very hesitant to have any sort of contact with me. The last time we spoke it was pretty bad, he told me he doesn't want to hang out with me because he doesn't want to lead me on, because he knows we aren't right for each other. Based on how things were at the end, I would agree with him, but I want him to see how things will be different this time around. I've decided to not contact him again, and hope that he will reach out when he's ready, but does anyone have any advice as to how I can get him back?He told me that he will reach out when he's ready (but I dont know when this is, or what he's waiting for). He also told me that he doesn't know what will happen in the future, but he's not planning on us getting back together. What does this mean? I just struggle with how I will show him that I've changed and things will be better, if he's not open to seeing me...
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 March 2011):
 He's got the right mindset. Getting back together will just end in failure again. You need to grieve this dead relationship and move on.
Things haven't changed. They may have changed temporarily, but they will go back to how they were. That's because this change is happening in your hopes to win him back. Change like that never lasts. Once you get what you desire, you slip back to your old ways. That's human nature.
If you really want to change, you have to want it for yourself. It takes time and effort. Real change takes years, not months.
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