A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I appreciate that all guys look at other women and I don't have a problem with that, but every guy I have known has constantly mentioned how hot other women are so much that I end up feeling really inadequate and invisible. My ex (who really really wanted to go out with me) not long into the relationship started mentioning how hot other women are, how hot his ex was but I was rarely given any compliments at all whilst we were together. Did he just think it was a given that since he was with me then I must be hot?!? My previous partners have all been the same. They are amazing while getting to know them and initially in the relationship but become, in my opinion, really disrespectful. I appreciate that all guys look, but do they realise how potentially damaging it is to a relationship and why do they have to mention it so much to their girlfriends? I've always got the impression they are doing it because they want out of the relationship or are thinking of straying. Yet every guy I have met, and I mean every, mentions how hot women are to their girlfriends/wives (including my Dad to my Mum)! My Dad would even rush into the room every time he heard a woman's voice on the TV just to ogle her! I was very tolerant of my ex constantly mentioning how hot every other girl was (I kept trying to tell myself that he was with me so the other girls didn't matter) but when he said it is nice when girls you don't know in clubs grind up against you I had to say enough! Am I just making a big deal out of nothing? I would particularly appreciate some advice from guys as to why you do it?!?!? Also, since all guys seem to be like it, how do I deal with it in my next boyfriend? Like I say, I don't mind them looking or the odd casual remark but constantly mentioning it, with few compliments aimed at me, just damages my self-esteem.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): Sounds like you go for the type of guy that needs constant reassurance, By saying those comments to you, means he feels good about himself and he thinks it means that you'll think he's really great.
Are you an insecure person?
It's not normal for guys to do that in my experience, and if they did I wouldn't entertain it. Like you say, the odd comment etc is fine but nothing more.
Try telling him (if it happens again) it makes you feel uncomfortable. If it carries on, then it's disrespectful and maybe you should end the relationship.
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