A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey All, My boyfriend is in the Army. He's deploying soon and I'm currently in a college a solid 7 hours away from him. I want to be able to see him before he leaves but since he has such a short window to be home, I have to miss school. This isn't a huge deal because my teachers are ok with it and I'm a good student. The thing is, yesterday he called me up and wanted to know what I thought of him getting a hotel room for us for the entire duration that I'm home. This is really, really bothering me for a few reasons. Before he and I got together, I knew he talked about how using his ex for sex before he left for boot camp/deployments/whatever. Secondly, I'm taking 4 days off of college, one of which I had to switch a test for, and another I had to switch lab sections. Both of which weren't easy to do. I sort of feel like he only wants to see me for sex now and not just to spend time with me. This hurts a lot but I don't know how to go about talking to him about it because I feel weird coming out and saying I feel like all he wants is sex or that I feel like he doesn't love me as much as I love him. Am I overreacting? I want to believe he wants a hotel room to be with me without the normal distractions of friends and family but I can't help but think it's simply for sex.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (25 March 2011):
 I think this skirts the fine line between "using" you for sex, and using sex as a way to spend time with you.Under normal circumstances, people can both spend time together *and* have sex. Guys like both, provided the girl is worthwhile. But if it comes to just choosing one (sex or just time together), 99 times out of 100, the guy is going to pick sex. For that matter, I don't mnuch understand why a chick wouldn't choose the same, but oh well.In this situation, he's not going to see you for months. Maybe longer, depending on his deployment schedule. Months living in close quarters with a bunch of guys, in the sandy barracks. That looming sausage fest can do funny things to a guy.Now, he can write letters, probably call or send email on a fairly regular basis, so as far as he's concerned, those count as spending time with you. So in his mind, there's no reason at all not to have a sex marathon before deployment.I'm a bit concerned about him saying he used his ex for sex before deployment. Thing is, if he intends to do the same for you, I can't imagine why he would say that to you, unless he meant it the way I described above. Not sure if that's a warning sign or not.If you're dating him long distance, I'm going to presume you trust him, so I would ignore the thing about "using" you and see it from his perspective.Either way, just because you have a hotel doesn't mean you have to spend the whole 3 or 4 days in there screwing. Show up, have sex, then go out and have a walk or dinner. Bring coffee to wake him back up right away, and don't feel guilty about not letting him pass out after sex. You're not going to see him for a few months, after all.
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