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My husband is ALWAYS home, and it's driving me crazy...

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 March 2005) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 April 2008)
A , anonymous writes:

Five years ago, my husband announced that he was going to be working from home. He would keep his current job but since he works with computers he could do his work just as well at home. He also said that he would have to travel more, up to 2 weeks a month.

The travel part of his job ended after 2 months. He has been home ever since. He has no hobbies or friends nearby that he sees regularly. He does travel for meetings twice a year. I really look forward to these weeks! I cannot stand the fact that he is ALWAYS here!

When I get up in the morning he's still sleeping, when the kids and I leave for school and work, he's just getting up. When we get home he's either working, playing video games or napping. He's just always here. I need a break away from him. It's like having another child in the house.

I understand that this arrangement is better for him. But it is not for me. I have lost any sense of self that I had. He overhears every conversation I have with the children and friends. We need to be quiet during the day. He knows what I'm doing and where I'm going all of the time. Not that I am hiding anything, but I don't need a thousand questions about my going to the book store!

Since we're always together we have absolutely nothing to talk about except the kids or the dogs or money problems.

This is not the marriage I had hoped and planned for. I always thought that my husband and I would both work (we do), that I would come home from work before him and fix supper, take care of the children and basically be in charge of the house. He would come home, have dinner, we could talk about our exciting days and plan interesting weekends.

Now we both work, I cook, clean, take care of the children, we eat and then seperate, nothing new going on, nothing to say. I don't know what to do? Do I need a vacation away from him?

View related questions: a break, money, video games

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008):

Well I took a trip and MY husband nearly had a nervous breakdown. It got to the end he was calling me incessantly and then when I got back it was like he became a stalker.

Things have not been the same since. It is like he suddenly turned into some desperate control freak. NOW he doesn't want me to go on any trips without HIM. BUT, it is perfectly fine for hime to go on trips with the boys (halelujah...) I have really begun to resent him, for not allowing me to do things I enjoy without him.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2006):

I have a similiar problem with my husband. He has no friends or hobbies and he can't seem to amuse himself with out me. Every so often, I just take a solo vacation. I go somewhere ALONE, no visiting family, no 'girl trip' - just go somewhere for 3 days. Wake when I want, eat when and what I want and reflect on everything that is good. At first when I started doing it, it had some friction and guilt, I won't lie. But I come back renewed body and soul. It's about time for a solo trip now as a matter of fact...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2005):

I had the exact same problem. My husband worked at home for 3 years and he drove me crazy. We have no kids, but he would not do any housework and would either be working on the computer or playing video games! I work outside the home, and would come home to a filthy house.

I became very resentful of this situation. Thankfully, he decided he missed the social interaction of working in an office, and I think he sensed my frustration, and returned to working outside the home. (He still doesn't do any housework) I think you should accentuate the benefits of him working outside the home for the positives it has to offer. Good luck!

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A reader, x-clare-x +, writes (6 April 2005):

Have you thought that maybe you actually need to spend more time together. I know that sounds crazy seeing as you want him to go out more but maybe it would be worth while getting a baby sitter sometimes. At least then you would be spending some quality time together not just seeing each other because you have to. perhaps you could go to see a movie and then go and have some dinner.

If you see the movie first then it would give you something to talk about and the conversation would start from there. Also maybe you should look into joining some form of club or group so that you could encourage him to meet new people. It actually sounds as if he is very lonely. I know I would be if I worked from home and never went anywhere.

I think it sounds as if you are stuck in a rut at the moment but things can only get better. Have you suggested that he looks for another job where he has to go out to work? Maybe that is the key!

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