A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for a total of 5 years.We are both very open minded people and honest with each other.Marriage is great and since we almost grew up together we are totally bonded and secure in our relationship.Only thing is we are both curious to experience another person, another touch because since we both married young, we never really experienced the dating scene and all.Now the thing is I've been thinking that maybe we should allow each other one kiss just to get it out of our system( maybe at a club with someone we'll never see again and so no emotions are involved) .I just think we are secure enough in our relationship to allow each other to be intimate with another person.We have seen each other close dancing with others in clubs, parties etc and we dont get jealous by it.I dont think anyone can take me away from him and vice versa. And it's just a kiss nothing else. Any thoughts? What can be the cons of it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): Whats the harm? Its one innocent little kiss, shared with a stranger you will never see again...hopefully. Until perhaps a couple of days go by and you wind up bumping into each other at a store, bank, mall..and then you exchange numbers...Its only a phone number right? Whats the harm in exchanging casual conversation? They understood you were taken, and it was just a kiss, understood to go no further. Days later, you are exchanging texts. They make you feel so good about yourself, and it turns into sexting. Whats the harm? Its only a little innocent flirty fun, understood to go no further because you are taken...Surely a few phone calls couldnt hurt either right? Plans are made to meet for lunch, to catch up on the weeks gone by, what can it hurt? Everyone knows the rules, the boundaries, no big deal. Lunch turns to meeting up in their place or yours (or a hotel), while your mate is away on business, work, day trips, etc. Might as well go all the way, right? After all, if your mate really respected you, they would have never let you kiss another person all those months ago. Its all their fault, they were actually giving you permission to cheat on them, how dare they?! If it wasnt for them, you would never be wrapped up in a torrid love affair, forced to make the difficult decision between your hot new passionate lover and your mate who you have been with for 10 years (10 years!) who up until a few months ago, you loved and trusted with all your heart and soul. Well, as the saying goes, out with the old, in with the new, right? So you wind up making a commitment, maybe even marrying your exciting new lover, and things are so GREAT! You connect on such a fantastic level, and the sex is out of this world. You are confident you made the right choice. So confident in fact, that you completely miss the signs of cheating. Moral of the story: If it aint broke, dont fix it. (This might seem like a drastic rendition of something that starts with an innocent kiss, but it can happen. It can and it DOES happen, every day.)-Catch
A
male
reader, Mr Husband  +, writes (15 April 2011):
The only con I can see is that your feelings may change once the act has been commited; what seems appealing now may well feel otherwise once either you or your husband has actually kissed someone.What you cannot predict is the 'third person's reactions and behaviours. Let's say for example your husband wound up kissing someone. She responds - with serious passion, holding or touching him in a manner that suggests that she'd like this to go further. Have you discussed what will happen then? Does he break the kiss and pull right out of the situation? Continue but go no further, maybe frustating/annoying the third person? What if after breaking the kiss the third person proves tenacious and keeps pursuing him?And likewise for yourself..None of this is insurmountable, I'm not trying to dissuade you, but you need to consider every scenario including the worst ones (he or you like this and want to continue further, the other absolutely does not) and discuss how you can react to it all. Having done something similar (except way more intimate) with my wife, knowing that either of us could call a halt to everything at any time, for any reason and knowing that the other would respect this without complaint made the whole experience workable. Discuss every possible scenario with your husband, even the unlikely/unpleasant ones and how you might deal/feel about them all. Don't just concentrate on the good. And if you go through with it all after that, enjoy yourselves :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): The cons? Well, a kiss could lead to touching, groping, or even a long make out, and then maybe a threesome or something else. Putting oneself at a risk of a kiss could turn into something more and because of emotions you two already have invested into each other that could cause some serious jealousy issues down the road. Please read up on some threads on here about "bringing another person" in to a relationship. It is usually not advised and will help guide your decision.
Regards.
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A
female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (15 April 2011):
 It works for some people but as a rule it doesn't. Fantasy tends to become reality, and one or the other will become jealous and it ruins a relationship.
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Hmmm im not sure I could do this but then again im not you or your husband or in your relationship so its not really for me or anybody to say definitively you should or shouldn't. What we can do is outline the dangers.
The obvious con is it may start as a kiss for either one of you but a rolling stone can gather moss. You must know, despite your confidence, that for either one of you this could go end up going further and I would imagine deep down thats why your hesitating.
I dont doubt anything you say empirically but thats with lucidity and thinking straight. Lets be honest, once anybody gets caught up in desire they can lose their heads pretty quickly and rationality and even deeply felt love can go out the window. If you want to do this and think you can thats fine - im not going to tell you your wrong because its your life and your free agents. However, I think you should be advised of the obvious risk and to be honest maybe this is the test you should make the litmus one. You should only do this if your prepared for each other to go the full nine yards with another. If your not (and from this question, I dont think at least you are but I maybe wrong) then dont do it. Your playing with fire and running a real risk of big problems. If however, you think it through and your prepared to accept that risk, your prepared for the fact either one of you may end up in anothers bed, then you can do it.
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