A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey!I finally admitted to myself I was gay and I've been dating secretly a guy for the past month...Recently, I've heard my best guy friend saying homophobic things! He doesn't know I'm gay but I was so uncomfortable at that time.I don't how to react to this... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): hey im 17 and came out at school easter 2010... my best friend stuck by me but i knew that deep down he wasnt comfortable with it.... he made would make the occasional homophobic comment, or emphasise that he was into girls in front of me... eventually it was me who pushed him away, the homophobia being part of the reason (the other part being that he is a dick to girls and i jokingly but meaningfully told him that if he touched one of my friends-who-is-a-girl that i would never forgive him... and then he went and asked one out!). All in all i found that for every one ore two people that pushed me away, 10 would befriend me... girls yes.. some being "oh will you be my gay best friend?"... but i didnt really care cos they are still great friends and didnt mean to be hurtful... so yeh :) if he's only fooling around and isnt homophobic then great! :) if not he wont be hard to replace :) x peace out
A
male
reader, Nathan1  +, writes (3 January 2011):
Unfortunately you are going to be up against this alot. When people come out, the natural assumption is thats it over now, I'm out. The truth chicken is you spend all your life coming out and you have to judge and read each situation as it happens.
You have to ask yourself how important is your friendship with this lad, on a scale of 1 to 10, I would only come out to him at a 6. I'd say if he knew he'd probably be scarlet now for the jokes he made.
At the moment you're very sensitive. You've met this new guy, you're in your first relationship and your bursting to tell everyone thats important to you about it.
I was in a similiar situation to you, hundreds of years ago. My brother hated everyone that was different. Specially queers, poofs, muck pushers, you name it i heard it. He was the first person i told. He already knew. His reason for being so nasty was he was trying to provoke me into telling him. I suspect your friend is trying to do the same. My brother and I are fine now. Him and his wife are very supportive and protective of me in my relationship. I'd advise you to tell your family first. Dont skirt around it by telling friends and have your family find out through the grapevine. They will be hurt. Ring a gay helpline and dont rush around telling everyone your gay. Its your life, your journey. Take your time. Take care
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A
male
reader, lovingceasar +, writes (3 January 2011):
although im not gay i can relate. my half bro is gay. you should tell him that its not funny and that you dont like it... say that you have a relative hu commited suicide cuz of it or something ... if he continues try and find a new friend if its realy bothering u ... best of luck: lovingceasar
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A
female
reader, sof  +, writes (3 January 2011):
 Well if those comments were really homophobic and offensive, maybe you shouldn't come out to him yet. But what you COULD do without it looking too bad is to say that those comments might be offensive to certain people and that he should be more open-minded, that it's not cool to be homophobic... you know, that kinda stuff, he'll probably listen to you.
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