A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:*OP's own title*Having problem .... i have got engaged, earlier we used to have a good relation, now from last week or so due to certain issues we are not just talking properly.It used to be long silence over phone, i tries to ask certain questons about her but used to get the flat answer... like yes ... no .. nothing ... bored..I am really worried. even after few minutes i stoped talking and then a long silence, the reason being silent for me is certain acidulous commnets she used to put about our relation usualy, and that brought me down...Now i don't understands what i suppose to do.How to make her indulge and feel as i do for her?Please help me in solving the problem.... this is now to the extent that i'll lose her.....
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male
reader, LarryGalapagos  +, writes (25 April 2010):
I believe there are no mistakes when it comes to love. If you really love her (which it sounds like you do), then the way that things happen is exactly the way that they were meant to happen.
I wish you the best of luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi larry,
You know what,I have forgotton that what exactly i was expecting from my would be wife. what my short term financial goals are & for what i was crazy about.
I am not at all putting the efforts to push me ahead in career but all the time i am affraid that she shouldn't feel bad for anything i do.
But you know, currently i am feeling so hard that everything is meaning less without her.
larry, thanks a lot for your view on this.
You might be right, But still i am faithful in my love & feelings.i would rather take a chance and hopeful that it may work.
But the thing is, i don't want to regret for whole life that if i would have done something. then we would have been happy.
Wish me a luck & if you have some other idea than breaking up with her please come up with that.
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A
male
reader, LarryGalapagos +, writes (23 April 2010):
I do know that you love your girl so much. You love her so much you put her first, even first before your own personal and professional life. And that is amazing. You sound like a great guy. There are tons of girls out there who wish they could have a guy like you who is so loving.
However, even though you love her so much, a relationship needs two people to love each other. One person loving the other is not enough. And if she does not love you nearly as much as you love her, then unfortunately you don't have a successful relationship.
You deserve better. You deserve a girl who will be so grateful and so happy that you love her.
If you break up with your girl, it will be her loss, not yours. You deserve to find a girl to be happy with. You deserve to be happy and full of love, not miserable.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi lary,
The thing is i really love her from heart, never wants to leave her and always wants to see her happy.
Even from last two three days i tried talking to her on the phone but all the time i get the answers like yes .. No .. nothing and now the call duration reduced to only few minutes.
This is causing extreme stress & not able to concentrate in office & making silly mistakes that are causing my reputation as a proffessional among the team.
I need to finish my project work for the post graduation by may last week of may and i left that aside.
I am ruining my personal & proffessional life.
Again .....
I really love her from heart, So wants to make something that makes us closer.
Still i haven't communicated this to anyone of our family,Don't know about her. i am not sure that should i discuss this with my family or not ?
Ours is an arranged kind of engagement & both the families are involved.
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A
male
reader, LarryGalapagos +, writes (22 April 2010):
I am really sorry, but just based on this discussion, I think you should break up with her.You deserve someone that you can communicate with. You deserve someone who is crazy about you who won't insult you. If you're engaged, you deserve someone who is not reluctant and can't wait to get married to you.I will be hard to break up with her, but it sounds like it would be the right thing to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi larry,
for 11th to 16th things works pretty nicely & when we met in - person by 17th the things again started scrumbling.
Then we were together with her family for 17th & 18th and probably we didn't communicated well,Now she is reluctant & seemlessly told once that she is not interested in relationship, now the thing is just because of our family relationships.....
I don't understand, what can i do. she has insulted me quite a few time during the span of two & half months.
This will cause our family relations that are built in last 20 years.
I am clueless & she is reluctant.
We are almost 700 miles apart and not having the luxary of meeting in person regularly.
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A
male
reader, LarryGalapagos +, writes (11 April 2010):
I'm sorry to hear that your engagement is sad, stressful, leaves more to yearn for, and lacks communication.
I believe communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. If both of you cannot communicate lovingly, respectfully with understanding, chemistry and comfort, then the relationship will not work. If you can't talk to her now that you feel vulnerable, then the relationship simply will not work.
Try again to really talk to her. Not on the phone - in person. Tell her how you feel. Tell her what you are scared of, what you are happy about, what you really feel about her. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable, just let it all out. After all, you are trying to spend the rest of your life with this person.
If you're unable to communication in all of the wonderful ways, then it may be time to break off the engagement and move on.
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