A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do I make my fiance believe me when I say I love him and will not leave him? I broke up with him and we were apart for 6 months and he says it was too easy for me to leave him and that he is afraid I will do it again. I know the mistake I made by breaking up with him the first time and now want to make up for his hurt and the pain I caused him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): It is hard to advise you with so little information.
Fear is a powerful emotion and when it is present in relationships it makes things very difficult to overcome.
If the issues you had previously in the relationship have caused major problems and have not been resolved, then he will almost certainly have cause for concern or fear of re committing to you. Have you guys had any counselling or similar?
It is hard without knowing how you have hurt him. Equally if you give thought to that, ask yourself if you where he, how would you feel about the relationship now.
It is always very easy for someone to say sorry for pain they cause, very easy to say it won't happen again etc. But the reality is, for the person on the other side of the equation, to have little faith and confidence in those words. When a relationship takes a major hit for what ever reason, each partner evaluates the worth to them now. Do I need this etc? What's in it for me now etc. Your thoughts change and re-gather into a new person. Maybe this is what is happening to him, subject to what you did.
The only way I know to help someone who is hurting and scared is by the actions and behaviours I take to help them with the problem. Actions as they say, speak louder than words. So what are your actions to help him heal.
Communication is really important. But there is a difference between just talking for the sake of talking and real communication.
All the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): Time and time alone will heal his pain and will grow his confidence back in you. Just keep being yourself and reassureing him that you are not going to run off again and mean it this time. If you even think you are not going to stay the course then go now before you do his head in.
take care
xx
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