A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Help! My bf is an ex-jerk. He is trying so hard to be good to me. But since I don't know the before and after, his efforts to me are so meager. And because of it, he resents me when I don't compliment him. Also, I cannot criticize him because he says I don't give him a credit for the progress he's made.I cannot figure out how to treat him. He seems to be more sensitive to criticism than normal. And he asks to be praised for things that I do for him daily and don't get any credit for but I don't expect any because I love him. I want to ask you if you know anybody who's been a jerk and used women in the past, and then met somebody they fell in love with and tried to change their act. How should I treat him to help him become a better man?
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female
reader, Manya +, writes (21 October 2007):
This is a good question. I agree wih peoriaman's insights. and also recommend that book. I want to ask you how long you've been going out? It sounds like he's a bit on a different wavelength,
very focused on himself, like when you say he wants to be praised for things you
"do daily and don't get credit for" : Doesn't he even realize what you are putting into the realtionship? I can't think of an example except one like you take out the garbage every day and then he does it one day, and wants praise!! This actually sound very male, in the worst aspect of their behavior. And this is coming from someone (me) who adores men! I say you should try to keep a sense of humor about this "ex-jerk"!!! He sounds like he has a long way to go, but at least he loves you and he's trying. If he can't bear criticism, then perhaps he's getting it at work? I would say, keep accentuating the positive and I think you are doing a better job than you think you are! He's lucky to have you!! You need to give him guy things to do for you. Good luck!
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