A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I have been with my girlfriend for just over a year now, and we love each other very much. I don't really let things bother me, but there's this one thing she does that just really irritates me. She tells her friends everything about us. It's as if we have no privacy. Then when we go out with her friends it makes me extreamly uncomfortable to know that they know every little detail about our relationship.I can't tell her anything without her going and telling her friends, no matter how preivate or personal it is. Do you have any advice about this, like, how i should go about talking to her about it or something.thnaks Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Vaughn +, writes (30 October 2007):
Hi Mate,
I know exactly how you feel, My girlfriend did the same, while I was at work on the railway and her friends would turn up and at the stn and stuff asking me about things that had happened between, thngs which were personal and people I didn't even know were asking me questions about our private life which I found so annoying because I didnt know these people, i didn't mind her telling her close friend (s) but it got out of hand and I said to her this needs to stop because I dont think its fair that other people know about our private life you know.
In the end we came to a mutual agreement to say nothing more on the subject to people and kept it between ourselves, the worst thing is if it happens to you and people you dont want to know find out that is more frustrating, Just take some time to sit down with her and talk to her and just try and come to some agreement :)
Hope this helps.
Vaughn
A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (30 October 2007):
 Balance.
Women NEED to talk about relationships. They also NEED to discuss their relationship with their man, with their man. If the man is unwilling, she will take it to her friends, because it is a NEED, not a want.
So ... if she says to you that she, "feels ..." and "needs ..." and you tune her out, accept that she is going to take it to her friends.
Tell her that you understand that she needs to talk about this stuff. However, men not only do not NEED to do this ... but it makes them enormously uncomfortable ... especially in group settings like you described. (Actually, women should admit, we would not like knowing our men discussed personal stuff with their buddies and then have them bring it up in a group setting, either. It's just not that common issue for us so we don't think about it).
So, you two need to really open up and communicate. You both need to understand and accept that you are not going to 'really get it' about some things, but you need to treat each other with honor and respect. She has to keep what is between you two, between you two. You have to be willing to talk and LISTEN (not hear, LISTEN) to her about thoughts and feelings. This is new stuff for you two, and you each need to be patient while the other one learns the new way.
I gave you a distilled version. If you have questions, fire away. There's also a TON of books out there on this stuff. Best wishes to you both.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2007): Yes you cant stop someone else blabbing. You are in control of your own mouth though. Set your boundaries as to what is acceptable. This is why men get accused of not communicating. Like it some kind of defficency.
Information is power and in the wrong hands can destroy your relationship.
You are a team, your partner should realise your smart enough to be protecting your relationship.
If you need help go to libary or anon on the internet, or you will have your friends husband running your family by proxy.
Good Luck Smart question
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