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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I'm just wondering, how in the world do you forget and move on after a bad relationship? My ex used to hit me and push me around and also accuse me of being into other woman. She left me and immediately went into another relationship.She seems really happy with her new guy, yet I still miss her. How do I forget her and move on?Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 ...Ho do you know she is happy with her new bf ?...
Do you meet them socially, do you talk to her ?...
Break any contact, if possible.
Time heals all wounds, but if you pick at the scabs it will take much longer...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell my step mom slapped my dad once. My dad slapped her back. That only happened once. And they have an awesome relationship. I love them to death.
With my relationship it happened more than once. And yes I tried to leave immediately. But I got sucked back in.
Its only confusing because I'm hearing others talk about them hitting their partners and like you I'm under the impression you NEVER do that! Not once!
And yes I do need counseling and I am going. I just am having a hard time forgetting her. She seems so happy with her new bf.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 February 2011):
Then you chanced into the wrong Aunt :). There are other Aunts who are more flexible about this type of thing ,and think along your lines : if it only happens once it's no big deal... when there's a lot of passion these things happen ...etc.
I don't know who's right or wrong, as for me I can only tell you my own position which is adamant : no. There are physical boundaries that can't be crossed. You don't make these things happen, you don't LET these things happen, and if they do happen, after the first time you are out of there,stat. If you have trouble doing that, then you need help.
Which , regardless of the abuse, does not seem a bad idea anyway in your case. Basically, the concept is very simple : you are a person, a human being with dignity, integrity and intrinsic value : you need and DESERVE a mate who will respect and nurture this value. Whomever can't do it- NEXT please.
can you make this concept your own ? can you believe it, can you really feel it ?
No ? Then, you may benefit from some professional help- someone who will help you to re-discover, your sense of self worth.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Cindycares. Part of the reason I'm having a hard time moving on is that I've talked to couples and it seems its quite common that one of them would slap the other. My step mom slapped my dad once and they've been together for 27 years. Plus she didn't hit me that hard. But she did hit me. Confusing for me.
Thanks though.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 February 2011):
She used to hit you.... and you miss her ?
Counseling. Therapy. Self-esteem workshops. And better sooner than later.
You must have big issues of self - esteem,self-love,in fact. Now please don't tell me that " you don't choose whom you fall in love with " ( wrong,btw- you do choose them, only you do it subconsciously ) . Or that not always you love whom is good for you and to you - been there, I know.
But,one would think that at least a self protective instinct kicks in whenever your physical integrity is attacked, allowing you to make a smoother transition from " I cannot love this person " to " I don't want to love this person " then to " WTF, I do NOT love this person ". If this does not happen, you'd better consult a professional to guide in the process, because you'd bring this lack of love for yourself into your future relationships too, recreating unwillingly similar disfunctional scenarios.
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