A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:A fairly common question I know- what is the best way to forget someone you have been attracted to (and in love with), who no longer feels the same about you, and you have decided (by default) to move on.I still find myself thinking about her on and off all day, and have done for weeks- it's getting to be very annoying!The below are the usual suggestions - any other magic ideas :)? Please?-Find another object of affection-keep yourself busy and your mind on other things- ie work or hobbies-Avoid being in places where you will see her or where you will cross paths-Dont be tempted to contact heretc etcMany thanks for any help- Im sure millions of people have been though this one!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot everyone, you have put a lot of thought into your answers. To the first person who answered, I hope it all works out for you- I can relate to your problem in many ways, as we all can.
Yes, sadly there is no magical answer- it would be nice If there was I guess.
The relationship wasnt that long, only a few weeks, but still plenty of time to develop feelings for someone.
A
female
reader, TEM  +, writes (31 May 2011):
 Yes, most of us have been there, and it's no picnic. You do not say how long you were involved. I am guessing this is someone you dated. Someone that broke up with you, not the other way around.
First, here's the bad news. There are no shortcuts on the road to recovery. It is going to take as long as it takes. The more time and emotion you had invested in this relationship, the longer it will take. This is like a death - the death of a relationship. You must grieve the loss before you are able to move on. In other words, you have got to feel the pain in order to move past it.
Google the stages of grief and try to gauge where you are in the process. I had a very serious four year relationship. We were to be married, but it didn't work out. It took me a year to get over it and move on.
In the meantime, the best advice I ever got was to "change everything." Avoid anything that triggers a memory of her and sends you into a downward spiral. Memories are triggered by your senses, so it works best if you change what you eat, hear, see, feel, and smell. Here's a list of some things you can change:
* Change the music you listen to.
* Change the coffee shop you go to.
* Go to different stores, parks, clubs, sporting events, etc. etc.
* Change the aftershave you wear and the soap you use.
* Get some new clothes.
* Try a new exercise (if that's what you do) routine. Go to a different gym.
* If she lived with you or spent a lot of time at your place, buy new sheets. Rearrange the furniture.
Try to channel some of that grief into constructive (new) activities - take up collecting, bird watching, swimming, photography, running, carpentry, guitar, etc. etc. Explore your interests. Sit down and write down 10 things you like to do, to get started (10 things you didn't do with her). It is also important to get out and get some exercise every day. That just improves your mood.
Most of us have been there and lived to tell. You will too.
Best of luck.
TEM
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): Just gone through the same thing! It sucks! lol. After weeks of feeling like I'm going to burst into tears every second of the day, I have just decided I have to get a grip! I figured they don't deserve all my thoughts and feelings and I will not allow THEM to make me feel miserable anymore! They don't give a toss about me, so I will not give a toss about them anymore. People only get you down if you let them...stop letting them (delete them from facebook if they are your friend on there too, (this gives you a feeling of taking back control of your life and feels weird and final, but defo good for your ego! lol)and avoid places you know they are going to be like the plague) I say to myself they have moved on, probably with someone else and I refuse to humiliate myself anymore thinking about them! Go out with friends, and keep busy busy busy, join a new club or something it defo helps! I did the text thing to them and you just feel shit, when they say they will text you and never do! I thought who the hell do they think they are? They do not deserve me, boy it feels great when you say that and actually believe it too :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011): This sounds like my situation.
I have feelings for a married man. I am married, too. I think he likes me but he has never said so. And I am not sure because it appears he is playing games although he might not be and just isn't interested and is just interested in a fling. He is hot one minute and cold the next. Pays atention to me and then ignores me. I guess I have done the same to him sometimes. He's really hard to read. Because he has not made his feelings clear to me or has said anything, I have decided it is time for me to move on and forget about him. There is no sense in playing endless games with no resolution in sight. No sense in having feelings or letting them grow when you will never be able to act on them. This dance has been going on for quite some time. I think if he really cared about me, he would have said something by now. He saw me today and knew I was down last week. He did not bother to ask me why or if I was okay. Instead he completely ignored me and did not even come near me. This fact alone has made my decision concrete. I am not going to invest any more time on someone who is completely oblivious to my feelings.
Bottom line is we can't be together. He has a wife and children. I have a husband and a child. And even though I am not happy in my marriage, I am not going to set out to destroy someone else's. And I have no information that he is unhappy in his - he has never told me so and I have no idea what the state of his marriage is. Although I suspect it is okay if he is still in it.
So, the million dollar question is how do you get over someone? Wish somebody could tell me that and wish there was a magic answer. I have to see him everyday and it hasn't been easy but I have finally made the decision not to let it affect me anymore. I am trying not to place any emphasis on what he says or does or doesn't say or doesn't do. I am convincing myself that he DOES NOT care about me and is NOT INTERESTED in me in any way, shape or form. I think the trick is if you let yourself believe the other person is not interested, you will not want to think about them as much and not waste any more time contemplating what if or longing for them etc. You will force yourself to face the cold, harsh reality that they are not interested in you and that you should not waste any more time on them. Anyone with any self respect would realize that it is a no win situation and you will be the one who is hurting. You will have to change your mind set and take control of your feelings and your life. If you difuse their importance in your own mind and heart, you will be on your way to recovery.
In order to do this, you will need to reach a saturation point where you tell yourself I have had enough. And I do not want to keep going down this road. It is too painful for me. Then you choose to pick yourself up and find your inner strength, hold onto it and look forward, not behind you.
There is no magic answer but a lot of it depends on your attitude. If you want to let it go, you can do it. If you convince yourself that they are not good for you, it will be so much easier.
For me seeing them everyday does not help but soon I will have a long break from them and I am hoping that during this time I will be able to forget about them once and for all.
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