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How do I tell him I have an STD and that he may have it as well?

Tagged as: Health, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 July 2008) 4 Answers - (Newest, 23 July 2008)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone. I have a serious issue. I just found out that I have HPV which is human papaloma virus in laymens terms. I have genital warts.

I don't know from whom or even when I got them since It can take up to 5 to 10 years for the warts to show up.

Well. I have been dating this guy for almost 3 years. He is a good guy and has only been with two other girls sexually other than myself. I have been with my fair share of guys and that is how I know he didn't bring this into the relationship. And I know because I had 2 warts which were mis-diagnosed a few years back and mistaken for scar tissue.

Anyways. How do I tell him that I have this and he will more than likly have it as well? Do you think he will hate me? Do you think he will leave me? How common is it to have passed this STD onto your partner? Has anyone out there had this or givin or gotten this from someone? Does this mean I am dirty? Will he think I am dirty? Do you think he will see me differently? Please any advise will help me and I know its a lot of questions and I don't expect an answer to all of them. I am so sick over this and worried and afraid to tell him but I know I have got to tell him.

View related questions: genital warts, std

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I did it. I told him. I told him almost everything except what it was I couldn't. The ugly words so I textrd the name of it to him. He was so understanding and not mad and ok about it. He said he loves me and I shouldn't have been so afraid to say it. Wow. Something you think are going to be a disaster just aren't as big as you play them out to be.

Thanks for all of the information and responses. I am glad I didn't go at it alone. I had some really nice people to tell me its ok and to tell him. Thanks agony aunts. I am glad I have you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you. I really hope he doesn't go ballistic over this. I feel so bad as it is. I guess I'm just so afraid to tell him. Its like I tried twice yesterday and my mouth opens but nothing comes out. I can't deal with thiso0i think ill just send it in an email. We live together and most of our arguments are over email. Lol its just better that way. We can say what we want and have time to make sure were not saying anything we will regret. I hope this works out and I hope I can push the send button since I have no luck with speaking of it. I'm being a huge chicken. This is nuts. I guess I feel better knowing that its not catagorized with most other STD's. Thank god. Ok thanks for the responses.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2008):

HPV is a very very common STD. In fact, when I was in college (which was about two years ago), the statistic was that about 60% of college students have some form of HPV. I'm positive its even more common now. Usually though, there are no symptoms for HPV, but there are some strains that can cause genital warts and can cause cervical cancer in women. However, even those can be treated.

So while it is an STD and it does suck, a lot of people have it, and its not nearly in the same league as Herpes or other STDs.

You should talk to him about it b/c if you have warts he might get them too and he'll want to be treated for that, but its not the STD I would have a breakdown over.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (16 July 2008):

rcn agony auntI don't know much about HPV. I hope this helps you out. I pulled it off the net for you.

Key Points About HPV:

HPV (human papillomavirus) is a common virus that infects the skin and mucous membranes.

There are about 100 types of HPV. Approximately 30 of those are spread through genital contact (typically sexual intercourse). Around 12 – called "low-risk" types of HPV – can cause genital warts. In addition, there are approximately 15 "high-risk" types of HPV that can cause cervical cancer.

It is estimated that 80 percent of all women – and 50 percent of men and women combined – will get one or more types of "genital" HPV at some point in their lives.

Although risk factors like smoking can contribute to your chance of developing cervical disease, HPV must first be present.

Fortunately, in most people, the body's immune system fights off or suppresses the HPV virus before it causes problems. It is only when the infection persists that it can cause cells to become abnormal.

Infection with the most common types of "genital" HPV can be prevented with the HPV vaccine. However, vaccination is only fully effective if administered before a girl or young woman has been exposed to those types of HPV through sexual contact. In addition, the vaccine does not protect against all types of HPV that can cause cervical cancer. Thus, it is important to get a regular Pap and – if you're over 30 – an HPV test, even if you've been vaccinated. A Pap can identify abnormal cells, and the digene HPV Test detects the presence of 13 high-risk types of HPV. Together, they help make sure abnormal cells are diagnosed and treated early.

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