A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend cheated on me with different girls all through our two and half years together. We broke up nearly three months ago, but I still can't seem to stop thinking about his cheating- and I desperately want to! Can anyone help me stop thinking about this?
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broke up, cheated on me, my ex Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): i thought it was only women who cheated on men. i gave my first love all i am and all i have to offer. she had baggage i put up with it. she also liked to cheat. she left on my bday when i caught her with another man in my bed. i hate her with every inch of my body i wish there was some way to release this anger. i feel it affecting my job/ social life. i am becoming angry and withdrawn. i wish people would stay faithful and have some damn self respect. cheaters= no self respect
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): baby duck, i am going through the same prob. 3 years, lots of love, but lots of cheating.
Thanks for your advice
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2007): I am in the same situation. It's been 9 months and I think about it at least once every hour. I am going insane. I really am a normal person in other area's of my life. AND i've even accepted it, that it was meant to happen because he wasn't the right one for me...
If you ever find a tip let me know.
compassionate to your situation. peace.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): He is the ex so why are you whittling about it now. You had a lucky escape, get out there and enjoy life and forget all about this nit wit.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, star9  +, writes (8 December 2007):
 That must've been horrible for you so I wouldn't expect for you to forget about it. Maybe you should call your friends and have a girly night. friends are there to cheer us up! hope this helps! good luck! x
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A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (8 December 2007):
 Ruminating seems to be a *gift* we females have, eh? I know it's tough. This is what I have learned and I hope it helps you. First of all, when something happens to us, it happens in that moment. But, every time we relive it in our minds, it is truly happening again (your heart starts pounding, you get a headache, your body reacts). Each time your ex cheated on you, that was his choice. Each time you relive it in your mind, it is your choice.
But that's why I am here! you say. I don't want to continue this merry-go-round. Tell me how to get off!
First you have to really think about what I am saying, really accept that this is your choice and you can choose to think about something else. I was so full of anger at the first part of this year, I logged miles and miles at my track. The thoughts would go 'round and 'round but somewhere around the 2.5 mile mark the endorphins would kick in. There were times I could not leave until I had done eight or nine miles. Yeah, I was really angry. So... it's your choice. What can you do?
The second thing you have to do is know that you have to deal with your feelings separately. With the mind, once you figure out the answer, you can make a choice and move on. With the heart, you have to let it speak (and speak and speak). Why? It does not feel heard. You think your heart is angry at him, but it is angrier at you. You could never control his behavior, but you can control yours. Every time you chose to stay with him after he broke your heart, your heart was angry and hurt with you. So, go somewhere quiet. Feel your feelings. Your brain is still ruminating and you can't shut it up yet and that's fine. Focus on your feelings. Just like you focus on listening to your friend's story at a loud party, and you tune out everyone else... focus on your feelings and let your ruminating mind blab on.
Everyday. Make time for this everyday. Eventually, your brain will stop ruminating. You can play little games with yourself like purposely thinking of something else and you will be able to because the ruminations will have lost their momentum. The most amazing thing about the feelings is that when they are heard, they will dissipate. It takes time. But it is absolutely glorious when it happens. You will have a strange, restless feeling and you won't like it at first, because it is so different than what you are accustomed to. Don't fight it. It's called peace.
I am very serious when I say it takes time. I have been working on something for eleven months and just found peace about two months ago, but I still have sadness. Granted my something is well over twenty years old, but my point is: don't expect to be over this in a couple of weeks. You have a lot of work to do. The problem is not getting over your ex, it's making sure you don't take this baggage into your next relationship. You deserve better ... and so does the next guy you get involved with. Stay away from another relationship until you have reached a point of forgiving your ex, and forgiving yourself, that when you think about your relationship, it plays like an old movie in your mind and does not invoke any emotion of any kind.
This is the stuff life is made of; you can do it.
Best wishes!
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