A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey what upI am currently in a long distance relationship due to the fact that I am in Iraq. I am in the National Gaurd so this isn't permanent. Me and my girl have been together about as long as we will be apart due to being here for a year. At first I was really nervous about committing to this due to me being gone for a long time. There has only been one problem where supposedly her friend, who I used to be with, told me she kissed another guy. She said she was really drunk and sorry. Since then she doesn't really party with any of those people and has changed a lot of things that she used to do. So I'm pretty sure this is serious. We've talked about marriage and she says all I have to do is ask her old man. I guess all I really want is advice on how much time I should probably wait after I get back. I only have 5 months till I'm home. On my leave, I'm taking her to the Virgin Islands for a week because we only get 2 back. Any suggestions what to do there to show her even more that I care? Anything I could add to my list would be much appreciated. Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): I hope I can offer some support as my boyfriend emigrated 6 months ago and I have missed him terribly but we are soon to be together. You clearly love this woman and I know how hard it is to feel pangs of distrust. My boyfriend sometimes hangs out in bars until 4am and my mind races with all kinds of things like who he might be chatting to and stuff. If I was to say the things that I (wish!) he'd demonstrated to me it would be around communication and sensitivity. Although we have spoken on the phone it can never replace the closeness of being together. However maybe your time away could provide an opportunity for you to express your feelings - can you keep a diary? (either written or online) that you could present to her. Like a time capsule so that you can both look back on this and she can re-read it time and time again. A beautful photo or a picture of a special place could also be meaningful. When I left my boyfriend to come back to the UK he gave me a necklace (it was my birthday the day after) and of course I treasure it. I would go for sentimental, heartfelt and personal over anything flashy. However of course going forward.... a giant sparkling diamond never hurt anyone ;-) I wish you lots of luck and a safe return.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): the other poster had it bang on. If you guys are serious this is when family comes in. She needs to be introduced to parents,and siblings.
Everyone needs to be grounded in a way, and it is easy to go out with friends when a person is far away and there is nobody around to remind you of them. There is nothing wrong with going out but I can imagine your girl being lonely and without family support it is not surprising she had a few drinks and a little snog with a guy. These things happen.
You need to reaffirm with her that you value her company and so do your family. It is hard being away and you are still quite young so dont put too much pressure on her. Rushing into marriage is not a guarantee she wont get bored if you take off for another stint somewhere else, you need to be there. My suggestion is when you finish your tour try and not pick an occupation where you spend most of your time away from her. Isnt that what you want anyway?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): Trust is a really big part of a long distance relationship. You put yourself out there and you could come home to someone that has done a 360 degree turn for the worst. However, if you love this girl and she is good to you as far as letters, pictures, and any other form of communication and she is consistent I say go for it. Has she been keeping herself busy while you are away? Are you thinking of proposing to her? Well, spending 1 week out of the 2 that you have back is enough to say that you really care about this girl. Has she met your family? Maybe you can introduce her to the family if you haven't already? That usually means that you are getting serious. When you are gone she can get to know your family and vice versa your family is an extension of you so if she gets lonely it helps to have them to support her while you are away. She can turn to them instead of getting involved with someone else.
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