A
male
age
41-50,
*oolguy
writes:Hello,I'm already in a relationship with someone else. There is this very beautiful new girl that just came into our office. We've gotten on so well. She is really very beautiful. However, unlike most beautiful girls i know, she is so friendly and accessible.We've had tea together where we discussed for about 2 hours. I was surprised to see the time go so fast. The problem is that i'm getting to like her so much.I'm always there to help her. I have also asked for her help in doing some work for me. She has been so effective in upgrading the work i do. However, the last time i asked for us to meet up she said she was busy. She really has had a hectic time with a lot of deadlines. I just played cool and said that when she is free, she should contact me to meet up. She waved to me recently smiling beautifully from her desk. I smiled and waved back but did not approach her.I simply went to my desk.The problem is that i want us to be good friends, but she is so beautiful that i'm wondering if this is possible. I dont want to press on her so much that she disappears. At the same time, I would not want her to feel too crowded. I dont want us to be in a romantic relationship, but she is just too beautiful. A part of me says that i should just go with the flow and see how it ends. Another part of me says that i should have strategy of what i want out of this friendship and keep to that strategy so that none of us gets hurt. Another part of me says that i should tell her how I feel (that i just want us to be good friends who help each other) but i feel she may take it the wrong way (either be hurt that I want her to be friends or feel it is a game i'm playing). I have advised people not to say how they feel but just act normal. I dont know why i want to make the same mistake.The office environment also complicates matters. I dont want us to be romantically associated with each other. However, there are days that i see her sitting on her desk. She is so beautiful and sweet. I am unable to focus on anything until I say hi to her. However, with her saying she was busy the last time, i feel that i may need to slow down and not be too available. I guess this should be a very complicated mail. I know i am taking it too seriously and making a mountain out of a mole hill. Can someone please give me some words of wisdom or talk some sense to me (in a diplomatic way) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Coolguy +, writes (19 November 2010):
Coolguy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Dirtball,
You are right with your evaluation. I am worried of caving in if she is interested in me. I've tried to imagine being alone with her and resisting if she makes a move. It's simply not possible. She's so hot (but i dont get the feeling she knows how beautiful she is),and friendly.
I think I do not want to cheat. You are right. As long as we dont spend time in non public places or alone outside the office, then we should be fine. I need to just be myself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): To begin with, I think you need to really consider your current romantic relationship. You say you dont want anything more than friendship with this new coworker but that is clearly not the case. If you do admit to yourself you have more than friendship feelings for her, you need to figure out whether this is a passing thing or whether it will (or maybe already has)affect your current relationship. For the sake of being a decent person and not hurting anyone more than possible, break it off with your current beau instead of stringing her along while you pine for someone else.
If you do decide you are ready to pursue this woman, then do so carefully. Dont just go up to her and tell her your feelings, take things slowly without being pushy and develop a friendship first. When you are feeling like you cant sit down and work til you talk to her, MAKE yourself focus on something else. Its not worth losing your job over. Being overly interested in a woman, or showing that you are, is a sure way to push someone away before you get much of a chance to develop any relationship.
The most important thing is to be sure about how you feel before you go out of your way to do anything.
If you decide your current relationship is more important than this new girl, its best to leave the coworker alone as much as possible. Dont be rude but dont encourage working together needlessly and definitely dont go things after hours.
Just be careful because it sounds like several hearts, including yours, are on the line here.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Basically you have the choice about what signals you are sending out. There is nothing wrong with being friendly. If all you really want is friendship, then don't take it further. Are you worried that you'll cave if she says she's interested in you? Are you actually thinking about cheating on your GF with her? The way you talk of her beauty makes me think that's the case.
I say it's actually pretty easy to be friends. Just avoid non-public situations. No alone time together outside the office.
Women who melt us are the worst. It's even harder when we're attracted to them and they seem interested in us too. Think about what you want. Think long and hard.
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